


fermata

by penguinberryfest, pinkyerim



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bullying, Drinking, Food, M/M, Music, brief mention of teenager dating older teenager but theyre all teenagers, mentions of teenagers being with teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinberryfest/pseuds/penguinberryfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkyerim/pseuds/pinkyerim
Summary: Kyungsoo has been good at avoiding things for years.The cute Digital Sources T/A helps him change that.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Comments: 18
Kudos: 95
Collections: Penguin Berry Fest- Round 02 (January- July 2020)





	fermata

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt: BRY-25** \- Kyungsoo has been actively avoiding this one class all throughout his bachelor’s because he despises it. With no way of avoiding it anymore, he walks into the class..only for his eyes to land on this very hot TA! And maybe he doesn‘t mind going that much anymore—   
>  **Disclaimer: penguin berry fest does not own exo and/or any characters that are mentioned in the stories.** their appearance in these fics do not represent them in real life. authors will be tagged after reveals unless they wish to remain anonymous.

**Track: Intro by The XX**

There is a bird chirping by his window every morning when he wakes up. The room he is renting while he is in college is not too bad, only big enough to fit his single bed, his keyboard, and two dressers - the charm is in the location. It's in a safe street, filled with cute families, convenience stores, a small park a block away and even a flower stand he passes by every day on his way to the bus. 

The 5 months he has spent in school have been spent in content. In tranquility.

Doh Kyungsoo had not always been happy. He had always found it hard to let go and enjoy the things he knew he was lucky to have because he was always reminded of the very few things that caused him anxiety. The biggest pain that came from having perfect memory was just that... everything about having a perfect memory. Never forgetting. 

People take being able to forget for granted, Kyungsoo thinks. 

In elementary school, as years went by, he'd remember every single thing mean kids would say to him, making it hard for him to have friendships, because unfortunately, every kid says something mean at least a couple dozen times. 

In middle school it was his mom's soft whispers late at night and early in the mornings. Assuring the bank she would have the money to pay the mortgage this month, her boss was just out of town. 

In high school it was everyone else's problem. He knew Jisoo who sat 3 chairs behind him had to work two part time jobs to help bring food home, he could remember the face of every guy who had broken his downstairs neighbor’s heart and why. Things he did not need weighing him down, he had on top.

So coming to college he made the decision to not engage. 

His memory proved to be good for the one thing he loved the most, music, so he could never really complain about it in depth to others. He is not a hypocrite. 

He spent the first semester in the corners, on the front row. Trying to only lend his ears to teachers. It was easy in the music theory classes, where everyone was intoxicated with the new things they were learning, everyone quiet. 

The engineering classes all students had to take the first year were a different story. Who would have known if you placed people in their early twenties in front of a computer you'd get a tell all of their lives? Multitasking is a disease. 

The first few weeks the kid he sat next to in class was a small girl from the sea side, big eyes and even bigger personality. Never quiet, almost like she wasn't paying an obscene amount of money to come learn these things. 

He tried moving to the computers in the back, succeeded for a week, and then one day got an email from his teacher requesting him to not leave rows of empty computers and just sit on the nearest available one. 

He tried it for another week and opted on just not going to the class when Jaehyun from composition wouldn't stop giving him graphic details of his sexcapades. 

Unfortunately, with a class about editing audio, he couldn't pass the class just by showing up on exam day. He had to actually know how to work these programs, turn in projects.

He only had one month left of his first semester, and his little friend's chripring was starting to sound a lot like a reminder of his responsibility.

He gets to the room on the fifth floor and picks the computer closest to the teacher, hoping no one will want to give him every dirty detail of their lives so close to the person responsible for judging if you were passing the class or not. He still checks where that Jaehyun kid is, just in case.

Theory proves to be right the first hour of class. Everything going by smoothly.

He is soon faced with a different problem. Unfortunately, his eyes are closing. He had forgotten how hard getting through this class was for him - there was a reason behind him neglecting it, after all - and that heavy pasta bowl he had for lunch before coming into class wasn't a good idea either. It should be illegal to have boring classes after lunch. Kyungsoo lets his mind drift off into a dreamland where he sends a letter to the dean about it and makes himself laugh.

What does a class on Digital Sources even mean? Why are they learning how to operate softwares one second, and the next learning the history behind the phonograph? Kyungsoo is sick. 

He is a piano major, he is here for traditional composition, he does not need to be here listening for hours to a teacher talk about what was said on the first phone call ever made. 

His little sister told him "good artists are cultured, dumbass", and she, although, rude, wasn't wrong. So he will try to pull through. 

However, today's class is math heavy. The teacher is explaining the differences between decibels, and he wants to pull his own heart out and end it all right here and now. 

The teacher is somewhat young, probably in her late 30s. She's a foreigner with a bright personality and a loud face, she's also really pretty. Too bad that doesn't do anything for him. Maybe if he was into pretty teachers he'd find it in him to show up to class. 

There’s an idea to email the dean about...

He leans his head to the side to catch what the teacher has written at the bottom of the white board and his eyes close for a bit too long on their way back to the screen in front of him where he is taking notes. Staying closed for a while. Maybe if he maintains his very straight posture, no one will notice he is napping.

"Uhm, Do-ssi", he hears a gentle, honey-like voice, before feeling a soft tap on his neck... why the neck? "This is going to be on the test."

He looks behind him and... oh... no... oh no... 

Doh Kyungsoo has seen an angel... or a demon. He isn’t sure yet.

He tries to hold eye contact with the beautiful boy but his cheeks quickly start to heat up, whips his head back to the screen. Back goes into perfect posture and thumbs shake a bit as he types down a copy of his last sentence. 

The hand on his neck presses a little harder before it is gone, and the honey voice leaves behind a low hum to travel up to Kyungsoo’s ears. 

Kyungsoo keeps his eyes on the board, but the rest of his senses are glued to the boy standing by the door. 

He is a broad guy, with a nice face. Someone Kyungsoo can tell wears clothes well - the ones he is wearing right now aren't anything too special, just a black loose fit T-Shirt with a white print on it, and some joggers - but he looks so, so good. He has bleached hair and his roots are showing. Kyungsoo has a little sister into beauty trends, who has made him help her dye her hair way too many times to not know this guy probably tones it every other week to maintain the pretty lilac undertones - it also looks so soft. 

He has a pretty face with a handsome nose. Eyes that would be perfect for modeling makeup, and Kyungsoo is taken back by how much... interest it sparks in him. This hasn’t happened in a very long time. 

He knows Park Sooyoung. The girl who took the seat next to him as soon as she walked in and saw him. At least he knows about her a little, they went to the same high school. 

She was always the lead in the musicals Kyungsoo's school put together - he always helped out in the band. He remembers she was a trainee from a very young age, remembers the unwanted attention she got from the kids in school, remembers her dad died during the summer of their final year, and one day she wasn't debuting anymore. He also knows she likes to be called Joy, "I didn't smile much growing up, my dad used to call me Joy to remind me to." He used to find that hard to believe, she had pretty and loud written all over her. 

  
  


Kyungsoo didn't know anyone from school was coming to college with him, didn't expect it either. After all, kids rarely leave Seoul to go to college by a quiet river. Something close to relief busted in his heart when he saw Sooyoung taking selfies by the welcome banner the first day of class. They sit together in classes they share most times. They walk around campus from one class to the other together too. But they don't do much talking.

Today she giggles and leans in towards him - startling him. She is wearing a black knitted sweater, around three sizes too big, that hangs off her shoulder cooly. Her hair is black right now, her lips something close to wine. Her long, long hair hits his forearm as she comes closer to speak quietly, discreetly, directly on his ear, "Byun Baekhyun, year 3, Music Production Major, TA for this class." 

Oh.

The heat on his cheeks that was building since getting caught becomes unbearable now, he knows he must look embarrassing too - but this Byun Baekhyun is just really, really hot. 

**-**

  
  


**Track One: "Time Lapse" - Taeyeon**

_ He met Oh Sehun about a week into 7th grade by the swings in the park close to the store his older brother, Jongdae, was working part time at. There, sitting on the gravel was a youger kid crying. Little 13 year old Kyungsoo picked up the water bottle he had left on the floor and approached him.  _

_ When he was close enough to see the boy clearly, he noticed he had a bloody knee, nothing too scandalous. He also started to notice the older boys laughing and looking at him. As he was kneeling down to talk to the kid one of them spoke up,  _

_ "Sunbae, you might catch it, be careful." successfully sending all his bully friends into a laughing fit.  _

_ Kyungsoo knew these kids' faces, they were a year under him in school.  _

_ The boy on the floor started crying again. He couldn't be older than 11. Probably his sister's age. _

_ He looked up at the boys with dark eyes, his forehead starting to hurt from the pressure of all his blood going into his frown. He never understood what made kids like this. He too had people he just did not like - but he had never been mean to anyone. Not unless they were mean first. He doubts that's the case here - with a young boy still sobbing under his arm. "You will regret this at school. Get out of my face." _

_ Kyungsoo was not popular in the way teenagers in dramas or american movies were, but he had always been someone those who were, liked to keep around. He was friendly with the kids in the swim team, the pretty girls in theater club always asked him for advice, the teachers liked him for being a good student - so the boys knew to leave without being told twice. They would be in middle school next year, the last thing they needed was to be in an older kid's bad side. _

_ Kyungsoo never cared much for school hierarchies, maybe that was why he was so welcomed in all cliques. _

_ "Are you okay? What's your name?" _

_ It takes Kyungsoo three tries for the boy to finally stop sobbing and look up at him.  _

_ "Oh Sehun, you're Yerim's brother." Ah, so the kid was the same age as his sister indeed.  _

_ Kyungsoo smiles at him and tightens the hand he has on the boy's shoulder, "I think I am more of a servant to her, actually." He jokes quietly. _

_ The boy laughs and Kyungsoo knows he is welcomed to help him. Maybe that's exactly when he decides to keep him around.  _

**-**

"Before you leave, I have a couple announcements." 

Kyungsoo has been sweating for an hour. Every time he crosses eyes with the cute TA his cheeks turn an obvious shade of red, which sends Joy into a laughing fit, which gets them noticed by the teacher, the class and Byun-ssi himself, which only makes him redder and Joy laughs harder and god, when is this going to end. This has to be the longest two hours of his life. 

There is nothing he wants less than to have to stay longer for quote -announcements - quote. 

"I will be absent for the next 3 weeks. You all know how Baekhyun has been present in class for a little while now, he'll be taking care of you. Use the next 6 classes to work on your Digital Audio Workstation projects."

He, Baekhyun, is looking right at him. He can feel his eyes piercing right into him, and Kyungsoo doesn't dare to take a proper look, afraid of being confronted with one of the only two options he will humor right now - a knowing look that's mocking, or a knowing look that's disturbed. So no, he won't be looking directly at him, but from his side view, he can see a hint of a smile on his face. 

Baekhyun waves his hand and says "That's right, daddy Byun will take care of you." making the whole class have a comfortable laugh, like he is everyone's intimate friend - and Kyungsoo shivers. These 20 seconds are starting to feel worse than the two hours this class just took from him.

He gets a chance to listen to his voice properly this time, and Kyungsoo has to get out of here. His voice is as pretty as his face. It's so clear - yet, a bit nasal. Kyungsoo sees red and feels velvet. 

He misses the rest of what the teacher is saying completely, and only picks back up when the class starts clapping.

"You're dismissed."

Thank god.

  
  


**-**

  
  


_ "Hyung, what do you think college will be like?" Kyungsoo is so stressed. He has to revise for two finals and a very annoying 15 year old is currently eating brownies off a bag on his bed, leaving a mess at that - with his shoes still on.  _

_ As the years have gone by, Kyungsoo has slowly been convincing himself that the kid, is, indeed, demonic. He will kill teenager Oh Sehun one of these days. He has become too aware of the power he holds on Kyungsoo's family, he needs to be stopped. "I still have a year left before I have to go, I don't have any thoughts about it."  _

_ "Hyung, you should be slutty when you go!"  _

_ What on earth is leaving this kid's brain just now? Kyungsoo groans and forcefully drops his pencil on his desk, it bounces a bit before rolling off completely and landing on his lap. "Are you actually out of your mind Oh Sehun!?" _

_ Sehun is red but has his confident look on, Kyungsoo hates it. It means he has decided on what he wants to say and he will not back down. Not now, not ever. Knows from his own mother that this is an Aries trait. "I think it is a perfectly good idea! Think about it, you hate people, and you don't like collecting stories. So -" _

_ "So promiscuity is the answer? Is that it, Oh Sehun?" _

_ Sehun is resting on his knees now, shoes still on, still on the blue duvet Kyungsoo's mom just made him wash, still leaving bits of brownies all over. "I don't mean literally, hyung. But it is a good idea - it's not like you don't look desperate for a laid." _

_ Kyungsoo is exhausted. He went from feeling well rested and ready to take on this subject, to feeling a second away from a retirement home in less than a minute. _

_ Sehun has a mouth, but he has never talked about these things with the younger kid like this, they mostly talk about the kid's problems, many of which do involve boys. "You are only fifteen, can we please stop talking about this? I feel like I could end in jail." Sehun shakes his head no, and brings a single finger up, in a failed, but endearing attempt to look commanding - ready to continue. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and leans back on his chair. He knows he has lost the war and has to listen to whatever the kid will say. So if he is going to feel murderous, at least he will do it comfortably. _

_ "You're older than me, but I am you senior when it comes to dating-" _

_ "You don't date Sehun" he is screaming from the chair facing his desk, eyes still close, "you let older boys hold you hand under tables and buy you coffee-" _

_ "That's literally dating-" Kyungsoo shoots up and whines, "Just for them to pay for a lousy hotel room and take sexual favors from you! I'm literally going to throw up! Don't think I can't tell when you make me pick you up!" _

_ "Oh, hyung... you care about me." _

_ "You are impossible, you are literally an impossible person Oh Sehun." _

_ Kyungsoo thinks it is all over when Sehun goes back to his previous position and stops talking - instead starts singing something Kyungsoo is pretty sure is a Girls' Generation song. _

_ Later, they are watching a movie on the floor of his room and Sehun speaks up again. "Hear me out - without interrupting. It's hard for me to get my ideas from here" he points to his head, "to here" he points to his mouth, "so just hear me out." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and looks back to his laptop where Mia is learning to sit like a princess - and against his better judgment, decides to humor the kid, so he nods. _

_ "You're lonely - you're still hurt about what happened last year. I know you hate people, and I know that if it was not for that time you and your brother helped me heal from that beating years ago, we wouldn't even be friends. I know you think you are content with loneliness, because up to now - it's been working for you.  _

_ You are a cool guy, despite what you think of yourself, everyone who hears I hang out with you every day gets so excited, they all want to hang out with the mysterious, handsome senior who looks like he could kill you, but has all the pretty girls around him begging to be noticed by him. But these are all people we have known our whole lives. You're comfortable in these weird crystal walls you've built around yourself, because everyone around you is happy to play along. People in college won't - you will be lonely. The loneliest you've been your whole life. I won't be there. Yerim won't be there, Jongdae-hyung won't be there. That weird noona you hang out with from work won't be there. I just think that... meeting someone in a bar, and telling them you don't care for bloodlines... would be a good stress reliever for you every once in a while."  _

_ The kid spoke for what felt like ages. Steady. Not confident, but sure of what he wanted to say. The silence that followed felt uncomfortable for the first time in all their years of being friends. And Kyungsoo thinks Sehun is wrong. Not about the very deep cutting description of his life he just put him through, but about him not being able to express himself. "You can talk now." _

_ He feels his throat tense up, though - unsure of what to say. "What makes you think I'll even go to college?" his voice comes out very low. The confession of something that up until this moment had never been spoken out loud. He almost hopes Sehun doesn't hear him.  _

_ But he does, he turns his head to look at him with enough force for Kyungsoo to feel the air around them shift. "You have to go, hyung! You love music, you either go to college, or I force you to audition for SM or something." Kyungsoo smiles, "I am not even kidding, I have their number! I will call them!" He is yelling now, they're playing - but Sehun becomes restless quickly. "Do not make me call them Doh Kyungsoo! What even is it that you would rather do than go to College."  _

_ Kyungsoo doesn't have to answer, he just needs to look at Sehun for him to understand. "Of course - that hyung." It comes out gross. Like thinking about him makes Sehun feel sick - Kyungsoo guesses it's comparable to the way he feels about the guys who take Sehun out. _

_ Kyungsoo takes the pillow from underneath him and playfully hits Sehun on the face with it, "Watch the movie Oh Sehun." _

_ Sehun shakes his finger once more, "No, tomorrow we start looking for nice music universities, in quiet cities." He uses his fingers to list up things he thinks Kyungsoo would want in his college life. And if his eyes get watery, because he loves this dumb kid and is grateful for him, neither one of them mention it. _

  
  


**-**

  
  


Sooyoung and him are making their quiet walk down the stairs. She isn't wearing heels today, the sound of her white sneakers on the metal flooring of the stairs very welcomed. They left class in a hurry, the weather forecast not looking too good. Kyungsoo also just needed to get out of there quickly.

He has the habit of looking at the ground instead up where he is going, one enforced by his mom's fear of bugs, and he also plays with his feet as he walks - the latter enforced by no one. His neck always ends up hurting after long walks. He should probably stop doing it. 

Sooyoung takes a sudden large step and gets closer to him, he knows she's about to whisper something, so he slows down. "I think that explains a lot."

"Hm?" He asks, and something is telling him his day won't be getting better just because he finally escaped class.

"You being gay - it explains a lot." Kyungsoo comes to a halt. His breath catches, his hands tighten around his bag's straps and he feels a pull on his stomach. She looks back and for a second she looks worried - she smiles through it, anyway. Her voice sweet, "Don't look so sacred, you frighten me."

You frighten me, he wants to say, but doesn't.

"Sooyoung-ah I am not gay - what made you think that?" Truth is - he doesn't know if he is lying or not. This is not something he had thought about for years. It's not anything he feels particularly burdened by, either. 

She climbs back up the step Kyungsoo stopped on and lowers her voice even more - people could easily mistake this for lovers exchanging sweet words before a goodbye kiss. Her tone this time is a bit more respectful and a lot more gentle, "You having a gay panic because of the cute TA was pretty telling, oppa." 

He doesn't know what to say, but he knows he has no intention of staying here to have a conversation reliving the embarrassment he just went through. He quickly settles on trying to deviate it, "We are the same age, don't call me that." 

"Or did you not - oh my God - the look on your face right now. Doh Kyungsoo, did you not know? Is this going to trigger some sort of crisis?" Her voice goes up, leaving the gentleness behind, and she mimics the chanting of a child asking for a toy, "Can I be a part of it? Can I be a part of it? Can I be a part of it? Can I be a part of it? Can I be a part of it?"

"You're awful, the absolute worst, and you remind me of someone I once had to convince myself wasn't demonic. Are you demonic, Miss Joy?"

Sooyoung laughs hard at him. Seems to accept losing this battle - she starts walking back down. "We are not - by the way. The same age."

"Huh?"

She is about five steps down already - her phone starts going off. Her ringtone the same Nintendo sound Kyungsoo remembers from high school. She looks at the name on the screen and Kyungsoo notices her shoulders tense - she ignores the call long in favor of explaining herself, "I skipped a year when I was still living in Jeju. I'm only 18." She takes the call and waves without looking back as she turns the corner and disappears down the stairs - leaving Kyungsoo behind. 

He stands there for a while. As groups of students pass by his side - over him on their way down the stairs. He rests his back on the metal wall encaging the stairs and closes his eyes for a while. 

His headache reaching a point where it feels life-threatening.

He is not having a sexuality crisis, he knows that. But he is having a crisis of some sorts. The heavy tug on his stomach, and cold sweat starting to pile at the back of his neck are not easy to ignore. He hasn't felt this way in a few months. Thought he had finally healed.

He stays with his eyes closed and his back firmly pressed to the rails. Maybe if he starts singing his favorite song, he will be okay.

He hums it over and over again - until the weather becomes chilly, and the smell of rain surrounds him.

He hears rushed steps, and finally lifts his weight off from the wall. He yawns, stretches and takes out his phone. He only has 2 notifications, a missed call from his sister and the same old unread texts from Sehun. 

_ "am i not part of your life anymore?"  _

It has stayed unread for two months now. Never say Kyungsoo is not a man with a strong power of will. 

"It shouldn't be a problem Adams." He recognizes the voice from one of the people coming down the stairs.

He grips his phone tightly - so tight his fingers start losing circulation. When he looks up he sees Byun Baekhyun three steps above his own - looking at him. Looking like he stopped mid-sentence. A backpack hangs loosely off his shoulder and a half opened umbrella swings in his hands. 

He is with two other students - they lock eyes and Kyungsoo bows a little, "Oh!" He smiles at him now, turns slightly to where the two foreign exchange students are behind him and continue their conversation, "Email me before 7 tomorrow." He says in perfect English. They wave their goodbyes and go back up the stairs. "Do-ssi? You okay?"

Uhm. It must be written on his face, then - how embarrassing. The absolute distress taking over his body is making him feel hot, even though it suddenly got so cold outside. 

He isn't a shy guy - per se. He is okay with showing a fun side of him to strangers. Whatever it is he thinks they want to see. Maybe this is part of the reason they trust him with their stories. 

He shows the older guy a shy smile with a casual laugh that easily passes for one of a shy guy. This laugh, however, feels like sand-paper cutting him from inside. "I guess I can't lie - can I?" 

Baekhyun has been playing with the umbrella, it's a bit distracting - possibly rude, but Kyungsoo thinks he can get away with it. Baekhyun smiles at him, maybe out of courtesy, or maybe he thinks Kyungsoo is rude and wants to challenge him. Whatever it is, Kyungsoo is glad he is not the pathetic mess he was in class anymore. "You" he articulates heavily as he speaks, "can do whatever you want."

And that is it. Baekhyun smiles at him one last time and walks pass him. Kyungsoo thinks he hears him say See You Tomorrow, but he could be making it all up. 

Rains starts falling heavily, he takes out his phone and orders a cab. Legs, mind and soul too weak to take the bus home.

-

It’s officially been twenty four hours since meeting Baekhyun. Class is not as bad today - Baekhyun takes over it officially. He is fun to listen to. 

It helps that he doesn't look at Kyungsoo once. Mostly stays on the desk, playing videos and explaining how the synthesizers shown in them work. 

Joy is absent today - his brain going back to the call she didn't seem to like getting the day before. Maybe he'll call her. He does need a real friend in town, and knows relationships are bilateral. 

The girl sitting next to him today looks older. She's quiet. He is starting to feel like today will be a very good day. He is spacing out a bit during the current video, and doesn't notice the papers being passed around class. 

"Write your student code at the top, and just the answers numbered - please." Baekhyun says and realisation hits. A surprise test. 

He is screwed. 

Baekhyun plays a mix of Jamiroquai and girl groups while he grades them. Not allowing anyone to leave before he returns the graded test with notes. 

Students are allowed to leave one by one, and soon, it's down to just him. 

He doesn't want to look at Baekhyun's face as he goes through his answers, leaving most of them blank - anyway. 

He hears him clear his throat and looks up from where his head is buried into his hands. 

"Don't you have a scholarship?" It hurts, it hurts a lot. It not only embarreses him, it also just puts him in a very vulnerable spot. He doesn't reply - knows there is no need to. He just gathers his things and walks to where the TA is sitting.

Baekhyun shoves his test into his own bag instead of handing it to him and hangs it on his shoulder. 

"Walk with me - you've been skipping this class. Why?"

Baekhyun waits for him to exit the room and locks up.

Kyungsoo doesn't answer - tries to think of something that would excuse his responsibility, but can't think of anything. Baekhyun doen't push - but Kyungsoo can feel him look at him a couple times as they make their way down the stairs.

They're down two floors and he finally decides on what to say. If this was the teacher, Kyungsoo would lie. Say something about social anxiety, and of course, she would believe him, like everyone always does. He isn't talking to his teacher though. He is talking to her hot assistant - just another student, at the end of the day. There is a bit more room on what he can say to him. Sincerity will get him further - he thinks.

"I hate the engineering classes. I'm here for composition and-"

"Ah - you're one of those. Would not have guessed it from your entry essay." Sarcasm. The tone used by the senior is so clearly sarcasm - Kyungsoo's palms start tingling a bit. Maybe he should have lied after all. Byun laughs right as they step onto the lobby. 

"You read my entry essay? Is that allowed?" 

Byun shrugs and Kyungsoo thinks he sees him pout a little, pout. "As allowed as skipping classes as much as you, I guess." 

"Got it." Kyungsoo nods and takes the hint.

"I help her translate some of them, sometimes. Her korean is great, some papers are just..." he waves his hands a bit - trying to find the words. "You need to understand culture to get them. I get extra cash and some english practice." 

Why is he telling him all this? "Why are you telling me all this?" 

"You asked."

No, he didn't. He does not say that, thought.

"Senior Byun-"

A loud gasp, Kyungsoo jumps a little and looks around embarrassed. "I will get on my knees and beg if I have to - please, just Baekhyun hyung will do." he is closer to Kyungsoo now, starts to shake his shoulders in a clumsy dance as he goes on, "Baekhyunnie if you're feeling spicy!" Oh, he is the entertainer type. Kyungsoo should've seen it coming.

"I won't be doing that. Baekhyun-nim?" He asks and the older boy nods for him to go on, "Do you, by any chance, tutor lower class students?"

Baekhyun makes a big Ah face, his mouth and eyes going wide - and nods. He brings his hand up to his head to scratch it, and Kyungsoo's eyes go down to see if his shirt has risen up - it hasn', thankfully. "Buy me coffee and one of those spanish sandwiches they sell around campus on Friday - I can meet you by the fountain outside the practice rooms after my noon class." 

Kyungsoo nods and as he is reaching for his phone, Baekhyun takes his hand and puts his own in it. "No, no. I'm the higher classmen, remember?. You don't get my number just like that." Kyungsoo types his phone in - saves it as Doh Kyungsoo followed up by his class number, S14. Baekhyun looks at it and laughs. Thunder strikes outside. Looks like it'll be raining today too.

"Thank you." He says and Baekhyun's already adjusting his bag as he walks away.

"Don't worry, I'm the best, and I will have you become a man in no time! You'll see." He yells - he is walking backwards and Kyungsoo feels his stomach drop for the nth time today. Bows a little - and sees his senior turn around, open his umbrella and walk out into the rain. 

Thunder strikes outside again. 

  
  
  


He's just gotten back to his room - he is drying off his wet hair and changing out of his cold clothes when he gets a double text from an unsaved number.

_ "don't forget to bring your laptop with pro tools already INSTALLED" _ _  
_ _ “bring questions ready too” _

He saves the number as Mr Byun Baekhyun Senior Sir - no one will ever know.

-

  
  


_ His mom had a best friend since middle school. They went to different high schools but met once again in college in Seoul. They got married around the same time and had their first sons the same month as well. Changmin was his hyung's age. He was his upstairs neighbor, he sat next to him in paint class when they were little and during drama club through the years they shared in highschool. _

_ When their families went on Holidays together he was the one who'd help Kyungsoo around with chores and played with him during dead time between tourist activities.  _

_ Sixteen year old Doh Kyungsoo could retell his life so far using memories with him as time-stamps if he wanted to.  _

_ Soon it all would change. _

_ Today was his last day of high school, and he will soon be going off to study Music Therapy in France. France. What could anyone possibly learn in France that they couldn't learn in Seoul? _

_ He is waiting for his brother and him to finish greeting the last of their friends and teachers goodbye - slaunching a bit by their classroom door - back hurting from the weight of helping them carry some of the presents they've received today. His own bag and things left in the care of Oh Sehun somewhere on the school's patio.  _

_ His eyes are puffy, the week leading up to his brother graduating has been insufferable. Large breakfasts with mom crying and louder dinners with mom crying as well. He didn't understand why. He knew it wasn't empty nest - his brother would be going to College 20 minutes away from home, he wasn't even going to move out. And Yerim and him still had time before they had to make College Decisions. It had to be the realisation of her age or something. "Be less hard on her, kid, she's raised us well." his brother said to him late the night before. _

_ The tiny cake inside one of the boxes he is holding is starting to smell nice - he is hungry and if they don't leave soon he will start to eat the presents one by one. _

_ He looks over his shoulder to where the older boys are laughing with their teacher and finds Changmin already looking at him. Offering him one of his unapologetic smiles. He sees him say something to the group and excuse himself to walk towards him. The smile that never leaves his face.  _

_ With his hands in his pockets, he looks like a uniform model. Kyungsoo has always found him charismatic, handsome - he wasn't blind and he knew the way girls looked at him - what he noticed the most about him was that he didn't have handsome boy personality. He was gentle, and not afraid to laugh or make lame jokes. He treated everyone the same, and was a kind son. He was smart enough and talented enough to get into a top Arts Institute, and he wanted to take a year off after college in France to travel around wherever he deemed fit to help towns in need of art programs for kids. He was basically a saint, and Kyungsoo was... enamoured - platonically, of course.  _

_ "You look 3 seconds away from dropping our things on the floor and leaving us behind." There's a hint of a laugh in his voice, like always when he talks to him. He reaches out and takes his own bag and a few of the presents from Kyungsoo - easing his back pain. "You have a date with that shadow of yours, or something to get to?" _

_ Kyungsoo offers him an empty laugh for the lame joke and another one of their present bags as payback. "I've been assigned to be YOUR shadow today. Something about how this is the last time my brother and I will both be kids together."  _

_ Changmin smiles wider and nods - Kyungsoo looks down at his mouth, he has nice teeth. "Your mom is cute - like you." _

_ "I think I genuinely threw up in my mouth." They laugh together and allow comfortable silence to take over naturally.  _

_ Changmin has always had a way to make everything feel comfortable - to make him want to stay, but recently, in the last couple of months, there have been times when Kyungsoo would feel a weird knot in his chest whenever he smiled at him for too long, or they were together - just the two of them. He thinks he knows what it means. He curls his toes inside his shoes just thinking about it. _

_ His brother finally joins them some time later - no one mentions his wet eyes. "So, what's the plan? Gross American food before we meet everyone else for the party?" he asks them, looking between them.  _

_ "Whatever little shadow wants is fine by me." _

_...a burger sounds fun.  _

  
  


_ Ketchup or BBQ sauce. This is the predicament Kyungsoo is concentrating deeply in while the two older boys are being the loudest they've ever been in their whole lives. Here, in the middle of a nice family restaurant. Kyungsoo ignores them in an attempt to not feel embarrassed. They're aloud to be dumb kids today.  _

_ Changmin and him are sitting on the same side of the booth while his brother is in front of them. Their things long forgotten inside the back of Changmin's car. He takes a glimpse to his side and finds Changmin undoing his school tie. He looks good like this, school jacket off, sleeves rolled up. He is not really listening to them, but he humors them with a laugh whenever they seem to throw a joke at him.  _

_ They all decide on the spicy BBQ option and iced teas and his brother excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He feels Changmin tense up next to him - looks at him and finds him already staring back. He looks nervous. "You're alright, hyung?"  _

_ Kyungsoo brings his elbows up and rests them on the table. His own school jacket still on. He notices the older boy looking at his hands before he reaches out with his own and starts playing with Kyungsoo's fingers. It's fine. They're used to physical contact with one another. Known each other their whole lives. These touches are not something Kyungsoo gives a second thought to, on a normal day. Today, they make him feel a bit shy. "A lot about today feels like my sand clock's running out of time. And I just... have so much to do before it does." His voice starts off low and gets almost inaudible by the end. Hands still touching Kyungsoo's. _

_ "Hm. When do you leave?" Kyungsoo asks and Changmin, who was just starting to relax, tenses up once again. "Six weeks. Mom and dad will go before me to make sure everything's okay - and travel a bit around France as a family before school starts in two months." Kyungsoo nods. _

_ They're looking at each other - Into each other - and for a moment... for a moment he swears Changmin is looking at his lips.  _

_ "Why are we holding hands?" His brother drops down loudly on his side of the booth and startles the two of them. Kyungsoo hides his hands under the table and feels... something close to guilt. "Oh?" His brother says, this sucks about being comfortable with each other like this, the three of them - there is no room for a filter, even less for privacy. "Were you two actually holding hands? I was kidding."  _

_ Changmin adjusts his back, and Kyungsoo thinks he sees his nostrils flare up and his face go pale. If it's true, it's only for a second, and he goes back to laughing again. "Would you be mad if your little brother and I eloped and moved to a small village in France?" He says in a mocking tone and Kyungsoo's stomach hurts. He doesn't know if it is hurting because he is shy about the stupid joke, or if it is because of the way Changmin says it - like it's not an impossible dream. Like it could be something they could do. And if he suspected what the pulls in his heart meant before - now he is sure. _

_ "Get mad? I think, perhaps... me committing manslaughter sounds more realistic." His brother's tone is a playful one, but his face isn't. Kyungsoo's stomach only aches more.  _

_ Their food arrives just then - like a saving grace, and things fall back to normal almost immediately.  _

_ "Why did Sehunie not come?" His brother asks him between bites and Changmin looks at him, waiting for the answer too. Kyungsoo looks back at him wanting to please him with it. _

_ There isn't much of a reason. By the time they found Sehun on the yard, he had already eaten with his friends - walked with them to Changmin's car to put Kyungsoo's stuff on the trunk, and said he would just meet them at the party later. "I think he saw the future, saw you two being this loud, and opted out. I envy him." _

_ The older boys laugh. _

_ He listens to them tell the same fun stories he knows so well. The time in 7th grade when Changmin swallowed a huge ice cube and they freaked out because it got stuck in his throat - they had to wait for it to melt, "I really thought you were going to die." When their moms took a ladies trip to the beach and the 4 of them stayed in Changmin's house - his dad tried to cook for them the first day, and opted for take out the rest of the week. When Jongdae got fired from his half time job, and the 4 of them - little Sehun included - took to standing outside the store singing Disney songs for a month after class.  _

_ Changmin's hand ends up on his leg at some point. Not grabbing it, just resting. Kyungsoo relaxes into it as quickly as he first tenses up. And in a moment of confidence, or madness, he lets his own hand fall on top of it.  _

_ He will soon be gone anyway.  _

  
  
  


**-**

He spends all afternoon writing and deleting an answer to Baekhyun's text, amongst other things, of course. He has some auditory training exercises to get through, and a big presentation on Disco Music to prepare. 

He is taking a break on his bed, going through his instagram feed. Yerim has a new lipstick she is milking for likes, his old high school classmates all post the same variation of food pics and his favorite illustrator has posted a sketch - he feels indifference towards all of them until he lands on Sehun's latest post. 

Two boys are facing away from the camera, white dress shirts covered in something that looks like neon paint. Even from behind he can tell Sehun's had another growth sprout. His shoulders look broader, his neck longer. He doesn't know who the other guy is, maybe he will ask Yerim about it later - the caption bothers him, though - " _ not a care in the world" _ . Maybe it's a line from a song, he hopes it is. Hopes Sehun is taking care of himself. Hopes he has come to his senses. For a moment he considers opening up those texts - tell him he will always be a part of his life, he just can't sit and watch what he is doing with himself right now - he eventually will, he knows he has to. 

Tell him the reason he isn't talking to him isn't because he doesn't love him, but because he does - because he knows if he speaks, he will say things that might ruin it all forever. Might tell him how sacred he is, how the men he sees terrify him. Apologize for the punch he landed on his face that night, and ask him to just go back to school - go away to a place they won't find him and start again. It's not too late. 

He doesn't - Instead, he sends Baekhyun a simple confirmation. 

**-**

  
  


_ They hold hands properly for the first time in Changmin's kitchen that night during their graduation party.  _

_ It's just their families and closest friends playing board games and listening to music - a party meant more for their moms than them - the graduates, but they're all happy to do this for them. The two of them are sitting on the kitchen stools, watching over Yerim to make sure she doesn't ruin the desserts, or something, he isn't sure if what the older boy said is even a real thing anymore - when Changmin just does it - just takes his hands into his own, intertwining their fingers under the counter, and Kyungsoo looks up at him.  _

_ He is making his sister laugh, telling her stories passionately - playing along to her fantasy of owning a restaurant, waving his free arm around, squeezing the one holding Kyungsoo's hand every once in a while and... he looks so pretty. For the first time - Kyungsoo understands why people go mad over love.  _

_ He stays longer than the rest of his family. Officially to help clean up - but really he just wants to know more - anything Changmin will allow him.  _

_ Changmin's parent's leave them to it - going back to their bedroom, and for the first time they're alone. Really alone. _

_ Kyungsoo is arranging the coffee table, putting the board games away, cleaning wipe in hand - Changmin comes into the room, "Help me take the trash outside?" Of course he will, that's why he stayed. He picks a bag up from where Changmin's been placing them by the entrance and they take the lift in silence. _

_ Kyungsoo is restless - bouncing on his heels from side to side, but Changmin is just calmly smiling down at him. So composed - "If this is how you're acting with just hand holding, I'm concerned about your reaction when I kiss you." The elevator doors open.  _

_ Kyungsoo feels Changmin take the bag from him - unable to focus on what the older is doing. He still follows him outside. "Why would you do that?" _

_ Changmin is in front of him - cleaning his hands off on his jeans - "Kiss you? Because I want to. Only if you allow me to, of course."  _

_ They're quiet again. Kyungsoo has been looking down at his feet - the older boy's face just too much to take right now. "Would you? Allow me to?"  _

_ "To kiss me?" he asks, still looking down.  _

_ Changmin puts his hand on Kyungsoo's chin - sending a wave of electricity all through his body. "Yes." He says once the other lifts his head up, making sure their eyes meet.  _

_ Kyungsoo nods and just - waits. He doesn't know how much time passes with them just like that. It could be seconds, or minutes. His fists are clenched, tightly pressed to the side of his body, just to keep his knees from giving in. And the older boy is just looking at him - smiling. Still so composed. Acting like this is the most normal thing in the world - like it's something cotidian. _

_ "Kyungsoo-yah, I won't do it right now." He is rubbing his thumb on Kyungsoo's chin. _

_ "Huh? You won't." The sound of disappointment leaves his mouth before he can check his tone, and he is so embarrassed. His cheeks even redder than before.  _

_ Changmin steps away and drops his hand to Kyungsoo's shoulder, the touch just as warm there too. "I think there needs to be more hand holding before I steal a kiss from you - think of it as courting. I also think if i kissed you right now, Oh Sehun would scream and give your mom a heart attack. He is watching from your window." Kyungsoo looks up to where his window is and sure enough, Oh Sehun thinks he is successfully hiding behind the curtain, he is not. _

_ Changmin walks him to his door and just - waves goodbye instead.  _

_ He locks himself in the bathroom and runs the shower. It's been such a long day. He cries under the stream - unsure why. He just has a gut feeling that - maybe - this will all crumble down in his hands.  _

-

  
  


Friday comes by quickly. 

Too quickly. Kyungsoo's a mess of nerves and he almost wishes he had forgotten entirely. 

Of course he doesn't forget. Quite the opposite happens - he spends the whole week in anguish - going over every possible scenario. 

He gets up early, to make sure he has enough time to pick up the requested payment before meeting Baekhyun. It's not until he is in line at the campus' coffee shop, sandwich bag in hand, that he realises he doesn't know what the senior wants. 

He could just text him, but that might take long and the line is moving fast. He presses on call. 

"Yes?" he is quiet - Kyungsoo curses himself. He is probably in class. "I'm sorry to disturb you, I was wondering how you like your coffee." He is asking the same way an intern would ask the company's chairman if they want meeting notes. He cringes at his own tone and covers his heating face with the back of the sandwich bag.

He doesn't have a problem with Baekhyun chuckling on the other side of the line - it's the way Baekhyun does it - with an audible smirk on his face, and his voice so, so low, that makes him physically pull his phone away for a moment. He needs to breathe. "Surprise me. Just make sure it's cold. I don't like hot drinks. See you." 

He hangs up.

In the end, he orders two iced vanilla lattes without whipped cream. 

  
  
  


He has to basically steal the only table with something close to shade from two girls who were already eying it from the other side of the fountain. He starts walking embarrassingly fast and places the sandwich bag next to the drinks on the center of it. Like an animal peeing on a wall to assure their claim on it. 

He's got about 5 minutes to kill before Baekhyun is supposed to arrive, so he takes out his phone to finish that Solitaire he abandoned a few days ago. 

"A man of intellect, I see." He hears Baekhyun before he sees him - sounds a bit out of breath. Kyungsoo looks behind him, to where the sound of his voice is coming from, and sure enough, sees Baekhyun panting a bit. He probably ran from class to be on time - something that makes Kyungsoo's insides tighten a bit. "People seem to be under the impression Spider Solitaire is better than the original Solitaire. They are wrong." Ah.

He takes the chair to Kyungsoo's right and hangs his bag on the back of it. "You brought your laptop? Thanks for the lunch." He sits down.

He speaks the way he thinks. At least the way Kyungsoo thinks he does - fearlessly. In one fluid motion. Loud. Maybe he'll add something to that list later - the more he gets to know him.

"No, thank  _ you _ for helping." He has his bag on his lap and starts taking his laptop out of it. Baekhyun reaches for one of the drinks and takes a huge sip. "Sorry the ice is all melted now."

Baekhyun starts waving no at him, still drinking the iced latte like it's nothing more than room temperature water. If Kyungsoo did that he would probably choke on it and his stomach would hurt.

Now that he is looking at him, he realises just how much sweat the older guy is covered in. He is wearing a pretty, oversized brown cardigan on top of a white U neck T-Shirt that's probably a size too small. A long necklace hangs from his neck, it disappears under the table and Kyungsoo makes a quick mental note to check what the charm hanging from it is, later - and his jeans are just simple, light jeans. 

He looks perfect for this time of the year. His hair looks soft, probably has no product in it. Kyungsoo wants to reach out and do something even more stupid, like run his hand through it. He also wants to know if Baekhyun smells sweet.

Baekhyun exhales deeply when he finally takes mercy on the drink, and his stomach. Sounds content. The way Kyungsoo's heart jumps a bit has nothing to do with this - it's just because he is nervous about the lesson. He has a lot to get through. "What do you need help with the most?" Baekhyun asks, shakes his head like a wet dog and runs his hands through his sweaty hair. His eyebrows move when he talks - they move charmingly and he leans on the table, adjusts Kyungsoo's laptop so both of them can see it, and opens up Pro Tools. 

Kyungsoo groans. The truth is he probably needs help with everything. He has the shortcuts memorized, knows the names of the buttons and has the theory side of sound mixing somewhere inside his brain ready to be used as well - he just doesn't know how to apply it. "Is it bad if I say everything?" He is aware he is whining. He has a feeling Baekhyun doesn't mind - being a TA he has to at least be used to it.

He is right because the older boy just gives him an understanding hum, and pushes the laptop back to Kyungsoo. "Do you have any compositions you're working on that we can practice on? It'll be easier to explain if you know the piece already." 

"I don't compose on my computer." To this, Baekhyun rolls his eyes and leans back on his chair, "Hm. You should start. You're a piano major, right?" 

Kyungsoo nods, "It's not a snobby pianist thing though, I just don't have a MIDI controller at home, and the labs are always closed when I try to use them." 

"I wasn't implying it was. Sorry you felt that way." Kyungsoo nods, with not much discomfort. He has learned pianists are that type, at least in this campus. 

His whole life, he has had everything he has needed. Their mom worked so hard to get them through life comfortably after their dad died. He loved his used keyboard, the clothes his brother passed down to him. He didn't mind having to write answers to textbooks on a separate paper so that his little sister could use them when the time came, he knew these things only meant they could go to eat somewhere fun as a family once or twice a month or to the movies. Take a trip every couple of years. He knew they lived day to day, but things were never in a place where he could ever complain. 

He was off to college now though, first kid to move away from home. He had gotten in full scholarship - and his brother and mom would help with rent and food while he adjusted to Daegu and found a job. 

Music school could get expensive though, he just didn't realise that before coming here. "Next time they close them and you need to go in, text me. TA's have the access code, we can use them freely." 

Kyungsoo nods. Baekhyun makes the mood shift back to its previous happy pace. Hands him an USB. "Let's use one of my, then." 

Kyungsoo puts the USB into the port and waits for it to load. Baekhyun is looking at him with a half smile - a bit of tired eyes. Kyungsoo wonders what Baekhyun does in a day. 

Baekhyun stares like he talks - loud. Kyungsoo looks back properly, he feels awkward, Baekhyun is a stranger, after all. But he has learned in the last few months in college, that no one really is one here. Everyone he has sat down next to, or asked something from has been welcoming. A bit indifferent, but helpful. It's just that the others haven't given him butterflies.

The folder with Baekhyun's files finally loads. His USB is named Headaches and Kyungsoo laughs. "What should I open?" 

Baekhyun leans in, their arms touch and Kyungsoo tries to pull away discreetly, but Baekhyun just follows shamelessly. 

He points at a file named 180718. "Drop this one into your session." With their heads turned like this - with Baekhyun smiling up at him, Kyungsoo gets a flashing impulse to just - lean into it. Maybe rest his chin on Baekhyun's stretched arm and leave it there. He does what the older asks and reaches to grab his drink instead. 

Kyungsoo hasn't had a crush in so long - it feels nice. Makes him feel like a real human for once. 

-

_ They do the same things they've always done. They play video games, they watch movies on their computers, go to the record store just to listen to the weirdest albums they can find - the only difference is now these are dates.  _

_ Changmin makes sure to mention it every time he texts him to confirm when they will be hanging out. It's been two weeks since what Oh Sehun has named The Revelation - four weeks before Changmin moves to Europe, and Kyungsoo enjoys their time together, but can't help feel a little - hopeless about it. _

_ They're in Changmin's room watching an american cartoon, their hands comfortably intertwined in between them when the older boy mentions it. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair."  _

_ Kyungsoo takes his eyes off the screen to look at him. "What do you mean?"  _

_ "Your first love shouldn't feel like sand running through your fingers. I'm sorry I confessed so late - you see - I was a bit of a coward." _

_ Kyungsoo is confused, mildly offended. He doesn't have to say anything, the perk of knowing each other for so long. Changmin crosses his legs and leans on Kyungsoo's shoulder, stealing a gasp from him. "I wasn't going to do it at all -I guess it happened before I could stop it." _

_ "Why weren't you?" He isn't quite leaning into Changmin's touch, but he makes sure to push back on the weight, so Changmin doesn't feel unwelcomed.  _

_ "It's quite tragic, don't you think? Friends to lovers, slow, slow, slow burn. Hyung makes him fall in love, just to move away forever."  _

_ Forever. "You're making it all sound so, so final." They are being quiet, not because they have to, Kyungsoo has a hunch Changmin's parents know about the change in their relationship. They're being quiet because this is not a conversation either one of them wants to have.  _

_ "I won't make you wait for me, Doh Kyungsoo. Not for 4 years - to then what? Ask you to follow me around the world doing God Knows What?" For a second Kyungsoo wants to say Yes. But the reality is, he isn't sure he'd do that. Not for anyone. Changmin sits back up and pauses the movie. Kyungsoo knows his eyes are getting watery - not much he can do to fight it.  _

_ Their hands are still linked, and he holds on tighter. "Silly boy, I haven't even kissed you yet, why are you so sad already?"  _

_ He lets go of his hand in favor of reaching for Changmin's shoulders, "Then do it." He is pleading, it's weird. He has never pleaded before. Not a real one. Words come from his gut, hints of fear and anger in them - he sounds so vulnerable. ."Give me a real reason to feel the way I do."  _

_ They're being dramatic, both of them know this. But, isn't first love supposed to be grand?  _

_ Changmin gently pushes Kyungsoo's hands away - comes closer, and puts a hand on his face, Kyungsoo unconsciously leans on to the touch. He closes his eyes, and the next thing he knows is Changmin's lips are on his own.  _

_ It's chaste. Kyungsoo's first kiss. Just a closed lips peck to ask for permission. Kyungsoo hums, and Changmin goes back in with a proper kiss this time.  _

_ It's not good, at least Kyungsoo doesn't think it is. But he feels like he is flying, and the awkwardness of it has both of them laughing into eachothers mouths in no time.  _

_ - _

  
  


Kyungsoo wasn't ready for Baekhyun's undivided attention. He was so on top of things - it was making him feel crazy. The hour they spent together might have been the most productive hour in all the months he has spent in college, and Kyungsoo wants to - throw up? It's not actual nausea, but the feelings mixing inside of him make him feel like he is nothing but paint little kids mix with their fingers to throw around. 

Baekhyun gets up first to stretch. He doesn't do it on purpose, but he looks up at him to check what the charm he has around his neck is - a small bird - and his eyes linger by themselves down his body. 

Kyungsoo didn't need the confirmation of Baekhyun's shirt being too small - but he gets it anyway as it has risen up enough to show a bit of skin there. 

Baekhyun notices he is checking him out and laughs. Kyungsoo quickly looks back down to his computer. 

"What?" Baekhyun starts putting his things into his bag, starting with the USB Kyungsoo is handing him back. "Usually guys take me for a walk before they start to look at my body like that." It very obviously is a joke, but one heavy with information Kyungsoo suspects Baekhyun put in there with a purpose. 

Baekhyun dates boys. 

"You mean this wasn't a hot date?" Kyungsoo jokes back and the older throws his head back laughing - it's a sound he could get used to. "I have class on building C, you're going that way?" Baekhyun asks him once all their stuff is in their bags, and their trash has been discarded. 

He isn't but he still nods. 

  
  


"Why Daegu?" Baekhyun asks - they're walking south and the weather is nice for the first time this week. 

"Didn't you read my scholarship application?" Baekhyun shrugs cutely - Kyungsoo wants to see it again. "I have a feeling this wasn't the only school that offered you one. I'm just curious why you chose to leave the big city." 

"I don't like people." He says it very honestly - without thinking. Baekhyun laughs again. 

"There are people here too, kid." 

Kyungsoo nods, "A small miscalculation in my plans." 

They're talking in a playful manner, like they've known each other for a long time. And Kyungsoo knows right now he has a crush on the cute TA, but he also knows he would be able to bury all those feelings down if it meant being friends with Baekhyun. They'd get along well and Kyungsoo is no stranger to letting go of people like that. Bakehyun looks back at him and raises an eyebrow, "Small?" 

"Yes." Baekhyun halts and pulls out his phone - starts typing something with one hand, Kyungsoo takes his distraction as an opportunity to return the question. "Why did you choose Daegu, then?" 

Baekhyun's eyes don't leave his phone, and he does a half smile. "That's something I only answer after the third date." 

The feeling of having nothing to lose is very liberating. Kyungsoo likes knowing he can say whatever is on his mind and not risk a terrible out-come. They're standing a few feet away from the entrance, Baekhyun's eyes still on his phone, using both hands to frantically type now. "You flirt with all the students you tutor like this?"

Baekhyun's head shoots up - and he laughs with his chest. It isn't a mocking laugh, it's one that sounds like he was just told the greatest secret and Kyungsoo's chest does the thing again. Maybe he'll sample this guy's laugh for something and use it in a song. He doesn't know how to sample, though. "I'll see you in class next week - stay safe."

He watches Baekhyun walk into the building. 

  
  
  


Joy's waiting for him outside the classroom. "You're here", she says in a cheery tone and he nods. They sit down on their usual spot, Joy opting out of sitting properly and choosing to sit on the desk facing him instead. It all stinks of evil. "I was starting to believe you'd ditch class in favor of your hot tutor." Evil indeed. 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and turns to check if the teacher is there yet - he is not. "You're only mad I'll end up with a better grade than you." 

Joy laughs theatrically, grand - starts clapping sarcastically and Kyungsoo is starting to miss his No Engaging rule - "If anything, I'm mad you're getting a boyfriend before me." 

"Sooyoung-ah, stop." He is serious and she backs up, not without showing him her tongue first. 

The teacher walks into class, they have a long day of Traditional Harmony ahead of them. 

He knows Sooyoung is mortified about overstepping boundaries, even if she doesn’t show it. It doesn't leave his mind during class. He will tell her it is not about that later. He will tell her it's not a sexuality issue either. Maybe, he'll tell her all of it. He's never had an outsider’s opinion on it and maybe it is time, after all. 

But for now, he leans in and just says "Let's grab coffee after class." She perks up, shaking her yellow pen in his face and goes back to copying from the board. 

  
  
  


Campus is pretty. It doesn't look like those huge schools in movies, but the buildings compliment each other, and there is a huge yard with pretty tables, benches and fountains in the middle connecting them all. They have student-run carts of food and a pretty theater. He didn't choose the school for this reason, but he thinks he somehow fits in well. 

They walk to the cafe inside campus, where Kyungsoo got Baekhyun's coffee earlier today - he has never been here more than once in a day, feels a bit embarrassed when the same barista greets him. 

Sooyoung chooses the table by the big window, the one with two pretty couches and a high table and then goes to order. "This round is on me - but you better have some real answers." She winks and comes back with two mint mochas. "I thought you had a crush on me in school." 

"What?" He was never anything more than decent to her whenever they had to work on the school plays - they were in the same classroom one year, but she missed a lot of school - everyone thought she would debut that year. 

He doesn't know where she would get that. Doesn't want to sound harsh, but still feels a bit responsible for it. "I think your standar for how men act when in love is very low, Sooyoungie." 

Her face looks sour for a bit, she nods. "You wouldn't know just how low." She takes a sip of her mocha and licks her lips. They're a bit orange today. "It was when I talked about my dad. Everyone else offered me empty condolences, but you seemed to really just... want to make sure I wasn't alone. I know we were not friends, per se, but I always felt comfortable when you were around." She giggles, "I felt so relieved when I saw you here." 

He hums in agreeance. "Can I ask why you're so snappy about cute boys if it's not a crisis thing now, or do I have to wait till the next millenia when you ask me for coffee again?"

"I had my heart broken really, really bad by a very, very, very quote on quote good guy when I was 16." 

She leans over and puts on an act to ask him to tell her more. He smiles, takes a breath, and gives into it.

  
  


_ - _

_ They go further than just kissing at the start of week three.  _

_ It's very late, somewhere after 3 a.m and they're on Changmin's bed. Kyungsoo has started to cry every night before bed, like part of his routine. Face, teeth, glass of water by the bed, tears. Right now, with Changmin's hand down his pants, Kyungsoo wants to believe it is worth it. _

_ Changmin takes him to the rooftop to see the sunrise the next day. And they hold hands later that night inside a dark movie theater.  _

_ It's all done in some type of secrecy - causing him to feel more anxious than he should. And he knows it. Being aware of how this is not how he should be feeling scares him - sometimes makes him feel anger. He doesn't mention it, but everyday he gets more scared he’ll end up resenting him.  _

_ On the last day of week three, Changmin shows up with a very pretty composition notebook for him. It's a very expensive looking leather and has Kyungsoo's birthday engraved on the front in gold letters. _

_ That night Kyungsoo cries in his brother's arms for the first time since his father died. Jongdae can only tell him it will all be okay, to do as they said they would - enjoy the weeks left and keep this summer as precious memories. "You're only 16, this will all be nothing one day." It only makes him cry harder. _

_ He doesn't want to go through this when he knows the outcome will only be memories. _

_ Week four is the worst. He doesn't see him once. Only leaving his bedroom to eat with his family and shower. He doesn't see Sehun either, little rascal off somewhere with his own family for the summer.  _

_ The older boy drops by a couple times. Jongdae drives him away each time. Never with more than harsh words Kyungsoo pretends not to hear when he is asked.  _

_ That's until day one of week five - Changmin makes it to Kyungsoo's door and starts speaking over his brother, saying to not let "others decide", the way he says it, makes Kyungsoo's chest contract, and triggers something inside his older brother too - the punch lands somewhere on Changmin's face and sends him knocking on Kyungsoo's door.  _

_ He freezes. He thinks he hears their little sister scream somewhere in the apartment, threatening to call their moms.  _

_ He opens the door and the scene is not as bad as he thought it'd be. Changmin is not even bleeding, just agitated. His brother's hand, unfortunately, looks broken. "Hyung, let's go to the ER." _

_ He turns to Changmin, who is still on the floor. "You stay here and look after our sister. When mom comes back, say hyung fell skateboarding." _

_ They leave in silence.  _

  
  


_ The bus is busier than usual - Saturday afternoon in the middle of summer. He is uncomfortable, can taste acid in his mouth from his stomach being all tangled up. "I'm sorry you got hurt because I'm dumb." _

_ "You don't have to ever feel guilty for me defending you. I would die for you and Yerim, and we've always been like this." They're not looking at each other - Jongdae probably doesn't see him cry a bit.  _

  
  


_ He is not allowed into the room with him. So he sits down on the first empty chair he finds in the waiting room. He closes his eyes, hoping not to fall asleep. But Kyungsoo is just so tired. He is tired of counting weeks and days, and seconds. He is tired of staying in his room, feeling like his life isn't his own anymore.  _

_ He knows Changmin will be busy during the week leading up to his departure, so the morning after the ER, he goes up to his apartment with a letter his little sister helped him write and knocks on the door.  _

_ He knows Changmin will think he is here to continue whatever it is they were doing - he knows it because he sees the way his face falls when he realises he is not. _

_ "I'm here to say goodbye, be safe. Look for me one day, maybe..."  _

_ He wants Changmin to say something, to object. Instead is met with promises and one last kiss.  _

_ He doesn't go see him off like the rest of his family do.  _

_ He stays in his room with his second hand keyboard and a pretty leather notebook. _

  
  


-

The look on Joy's face snaps Kyungsoo out of his melancholic episode and sends him into a laughing fit. "Why are you crying?" It comes out with a big laugh. One that comes from his stomach, and Kyungsoo feels really good. 

They've been sitting here, listening to Kyungsoo's story for over an hour - Joy only interrupting to ask him to go into detail of something, or with soft and tinies "Oh no, oppa." every once in a while.

"Why are you not? That's horrible! You didn't go to the airport to send him off?" 

Kyungsoo shrugs, "I think I made it more dramatic than it should have been, worse for myself. I just didn't like the way he said that about me not making my own choices." She nods. "Yeah, I agree."

"Have you had a fling with anyone else since then?" He shakes his head no, "A kiss? A Hook up?" Kyungsoo shakes his head no again and the next set of questions take a little bit to come. "Not even a crush? Is that why you were so snappy about Bakehyunie-oppa?" 

"You call him oppa?" Joy rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in front of her, "That's what you got from that?" 

"It is not only a Changmin thing... I never had a crush on anyone before and I've never had a crush since then. I just - don't do well with people I guess." She laughs again, "You do well with people, you just don't like them." 

"Someone used to tell me I should just be slutty in college. To make up for lost time." 

Joy rolls her eyes and grunts a bit, "That sounds like Oh Sehun." 

"You know Sehunie?" She looks at him like he is dumb, and maybe he is. "He was your shadow all through High School, of course I know the kid." She's taping her nails on the table, "He's also... made a bit of a name for himself online."

He must show it on his face, something close to pain - because she immediately changes the subject back to Baekhyun. 

"You should set up another tutoring lesson, this time in your room!" She starts making kissing noises and mimics making out with someone and she is turning out to be so much like teenager Sehun, it hurts. 

"I live in an old lady's attic, she doesn't allow visitors." 

"Then go to his apartment, it's very nice." 

He raises an eyebrow, "You've seen his apartment? Is all this just a tactic to get rid of the competition." 

Joy rolls her eyes and throws a bit of a slap across the table, it lands on the hand Kyungsoo is using to hold his drink in. "I'm friends with his roommate, we used to be trainees together." 

Oh, he nods. "How did you end up here?" 

"I don't think I agree with the way Sehun put it" she ignores him, and he takes the hint not to push it. "The whole slutty in college thing, but you do look desperate for... contact. Not just physical, even if it doesn't end up there, you'd be good friends. He is a good guy. Basically a saint. But like, a sexy one." 

A good guy. Basically a saint. 

Maybe Kyungsoo has a type after all.

They agree to make Friday coffee a thing, well, Joy bullies him into saying yes anyways.

  
  
  


He sends Bakehyun a text - with the comfort of his sheets on his freshly bathed skin feeling like a fortress. Like nothing will hurt him. 

_ "when can i see u again"  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Track Two: Golden**

He watches tv shows and movies on Saturdays. Doesn't do anything else, doen't touch a book, doesn't even look at his piano. Doesn't change out of his sweats, sometimes doesn't even go to the bathroom all day. Saturdays are for bad thai dramas or even worse Netflix originals. Maybe the occasional Youtube video. 

It's already pass noon, and there’s still no text. 

Well, there are texts - Sehun's still unread texts, he has a few texts from his Mom, and one from Joy asking him if he chickened out. But nothing from him. 

The male lead on screen is one of those oblivious ones that make Kyungsoo want to scream. 

He is hungry - he should order something sweet. 

He is going through the menu of a decent looking waffle place, deciding on what to order - the notification he is waiting for finally pops up. 

_ Mr Byun Baekhyun Senior Sir:  _

_ miss me alrdy?  _

_ can see u today _

"What!?" Kyungsoo screams and shoots up from his lying position. The window is still open when the next two messages arrive. 

_ im too busy all week _

_ hehe :) _

"God, why haven't I turned the read function off!?" Sometimes you really be doing it to yourself.

You can do this Doh Kyungsoo.

Doh Kyungsoo can not do this. 

He's calling Joy before he can stop to overthink it. 

She picks up on the third ring. "The way we are going from maybe a 12 to over 100 in a week, I like this for us." 

"Shut up, he wants to see me today." 

She screeches on the other side of the line, and it sounds like she's put something down on a table. "Wait, context!"

Kyungsoo has no time for context, it's already pass one in the afternoon and he smells like sweat and milk. "I asked when we could meet again last night, and he said only today because he will be busy all week." 

"I see, I see. Put me on speaker and do as I say." Kyungsoo nods, to no one and does as he is told. 

"Open his text, and write an n and a p, press send, and then you write your place question mark, what time and a smirky face and you send that too."

"Are you out of your mind!? I should've never called you, also, why are you dictating like that!"

"Calm down! Don't send the smirky face, but everything else is fine! I promise! He tutors at his place all the time!" 

The screen is looking at him - the screen is judging him. The screen tells him he is a coward, and so he types.

_ no problem _

_ at yours? what time?  _

He blocks the phone and drops it on his bed, he needs all of his body to scream. "It's done! Ah!" He starts banging on his knees.

Joy's screaming with him, quite possibly stomping her feet as well. 

"Okay, listen to me. You should wear that cute green thing you wear sometimes, the sweatshirt, and jeans and take a shower and don't do anything to your hair. We want you to look cute but not like you're trying, it needs to look like you're effortless - out of a teen movie." 

She's speaking so fast and Kyungsoo is having a hard time keeping up, running around his tiny room searching for the clothes he is being suggested. "Take one of your composition notebooks with you too, what's the point of going to school for music if you don't use it to snatch some cuties!" 

"God, I hate you, let's go back to minus twelve!" 

She laughs and the next text comes in. Both scream again when they hear the notification, she starts laughing, "He is going to tutor you, we are embarrassing." 

"Shut up! Oh no..." Kyungsoo is groaning, "Sooyoung! He said my place? and sent a winky face, I'm going to be sick, this is your fault." 

The next texts come within seconds of each other.

my place? ;)

im free all day, drop by whenever u want 

[location]

"He sent me his location!"

Joy starts banging on the table again, "We are, hacker voice, in! Doh Kyungsoo! Is! In!" 

He hangs up. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun lives close to campus on a busy street. There's a couple of shops with the indie vibe and it's only a few minutes away from a shopping center. The building is not very tall, about 6 floors, and looks modern. Not too old.

Baekhyun and his roommate live on the first floor. Kyungsoo's been standing outside, looking at 101A on the intercom for at least 15 minutes. He did everything Sooyoung told him to. All that's left now, is ringing up. So he finally does. 

"Yes?" It's not Baekhyun's voice, it must be his roommate, the voice is deeper, a bit nasal. "Hello. I'm here for class?" He says shyly and on the other side, the guy with the deep voice starts laughing. "Are you sure? Because you're sounding and looking a bit scared." 

Kyungsoo's eyes find the camera on the middle of the pad and speak while looking at it, hoping the sweat on his neck doesn't start to build up and drop down his back. "I'm here to meet Byun Baekhyun." He tries to say cooly, but realises it comes out sounding like a question, "Nope, still sounds a bit off. What if I let you up and turns out you're nervouse because you're here to murder us?"

"Can you move and let me ring him up, you weirdo." Baekhyun's voice is unmistakable, even through these cheap speakers. "Sorry, he's bored." The door beeps, Kyungsoo's key to go into the building. 

He takes the lift, even if it's just one floor. Deciding making his body sweat any more would be a big mistake. Baekhyun is already holding the door open when he comes out. A blue haired Byun Baekhyun is holding the door open. 

His hair is wet and he isn't wearing shoes. His outfit today is a loose green, almost yellow sweater and dark jeans. The two of them match. 

He is smiling, always a hint of a laugh as he speaks, "Welcome home!"

-

_ It's been a couple months since Sehun mentioned the college thing to him. But true to his words, he came back a week later with a powerpoint presentation on which schools he thought Kyungsoo would like.  _

_ That was over two months ago, and Kyungsoo hasn't been seeing much from him lately. At school Sehun is always busy with his new found friends, who think he is handsome and want to be seated next to him during lunch - who made him open a youtube channel and make sure they're filming every second of their lives - and outside of school Kyungsoo is busy with his job at the cafe and studying groups.  _

_ Sehun used to come to the cafe and hang out, and they always spent the weekends together, but that has stopped too. _

_ He knows it's stupid, but Kyungsoo can't help but feel - left.  _

_ He can see Sehun with his dumb friends from where he is standing in the corner of the hall leading up to main office. They're in trouble again. He takes out his phone and texts Yerim, "what did they do now" _

_ "sneaked dick jokes into their presentation and filmed it" _

_ "they're not in BIG trouble tho, don't worry" _

_ He thanks his sister and puts his phone back in his pocket. _

_ It's dumb, but when added up with all the things they've been doing in just the first month back in school, Kyungsoo is scared.  _

_ He calls in sick for work and waits for him by the gates once classes are over. Hoping he won't be riding with one of his dumb friends.  _

_ He is not. _

_ He sees him walk outside by himself and almost misses him completely, his school jacket hangs from his bag, he has started to wear a watch. He looks like he is trying to look older than he is. Kyungsoo hates it.  _

_ "Yah, Oh Sehun." He calls from where he's been waiting, his back still resting on the brick wall.  _

_ Sehun looks right at him, he looks the same. The look on his face doesn't indicate anything has changed between them and Kyungsoo wants to believe it.  _

_ "Hyung, you're off work?" He's holding onto his backpack straps like a little kid. Kyungsoo smiles. "Yeah!" He lies, a little too enthusiastically, "Let's go grab food or something, my treat!" Sehun shakes his head no and for a moment, Kyungsoo thinks he is getting rejected.  _

_ "You're saving for college, my treat." _

_ They settle on italian.  _

  
  


-

"You want italian?" Baekhyun asks and hands him a pair of clean slippers, they're printed with different Barbies. Kyungsoo doesn't make a joke about it, but smiles at them and makes a mental note to do so one day if they become friends. "Sorry?"

"Chanyeol, my weird roommate who wouldn't let you up, is making some sad excuse for lasagna, you want some?" He is using his arm to lean on the shoe closet, his legs crossed. He is patiently waiting for Kyungsoo who is taking too long to get settled in. He looks so good.

Kyungsoo accepts the offer and Baekhyun yells out a confirmation, probably for this Chanyeol guy who must be in the kitchen somewhere. 

The apartment is, as Kyungsoo suspected, fancy - pretty, big. Rich. Cold. 

It's an open style apartment. Everything is white or marble - too white, he thinks. The floors are some dark stained wood and besides the gray stools by the breakfast bar and the gray couches - plural - everything else is white. 

"This place looks like an episode of extreme makeover pinterest board edition." Baakhyun laughs, "All the white?" Kyungsoo nods. 

"It doesn't look like you."

Baekhyun hums in agreement, they're still standing by the door "Chanyeol's sister is an interior designer - we didn't have much say in it, it's her place and she lets us stay here." He leads him to a round, white marbled table by the floating fireplace. "No white wood?" Baekhyun snorts, "Shut up. Where do you want to start?" 

He takes Kyungsoo's bag from him and helps him take out his laptop, there is a lot of care to his actions, he then returns the bag - Baekhyun's own laptop already on the table playing something that sounds like Donna Summer, along with a couple of opened notebooks and a bag of chips. "Can you directly help me with my final project?" 

Baekhyun sits down, he sits with his legs crossed on the chair and slides himself closer to the table by pulling it with his arms. He looks like he is contemplating it, frowns when he reaches a decision, "I don't think so." He starts humming along to the song Kyungsoo doesn't know and Kyungsoo sits down. 

The place really is a bit unsettling. Kyungsoo feels like he is a call boy waiting in the lobby of his client's hotel, in a movie. Pretty Woman, Kyungsoo feels like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, but right before she falls in love.

He takes out his composition notebook and leaves it on the table, hoping the senior will reach out to grab it, then he reaches back in for a pencil. Baekhyun's eyes fall on the leather notebook, "Oh - may I?" Kyungsoo looks up and sees him pointing at it. He nods. 

Baekhyun tells him to finish working on the task he gave him on their first session - he is comfortably going through Kyungsoo's compositions. He is glad he decided to bring the one without lyrics on it.

Kyungsoo looks back at him every once in a while. Sometimes he is pouting, or biting his lip in concentration. Sometimes he is tapping along to whatever rhythm Kyungsoo has written down. After a while, he exhales deeply and returns the notebook to the table gently. 

"You have a few visces when writing down melodies but besides those, you are all good." His feet are still upon the chair but now he has his knees to his chest, tapping them. "You, good boy." 

It makes him blush a bit - not enough for him to worry about Baekhyun noticing. "I think I'm done with this." 

Baekhyun grabs his laptop and balances it on his bent knees. He spends a few minutes going through it in silence. "Aren't you going to press play?" 

Baekhyun shakes his head, "Don't need to. It's alright." He hands the computer back and reaches for his own. Kyungsoo sits with his arms on the armrests - watches Baekhyun do something on his computer. Thinks it might be answering emails, with how much he is typing. "Uhm?" He clears his throat too, just to make sure Baekhyun looks at him. 

He does, with a smile on his face that makes his eyes close a bit. "Yes, Do-ssi?" 

He places his hands in front of Kyungsoo, the way actresses do in movies when they want to be overly polite - he probably crosses his legs as well. "What do I do now?" Kyungsoo asks - it's a bit awkward, he genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself, and sensing Baekhyun is about to start a game scares him a bit. 

Time is a relative thing. From what Kyungsoo understands, it is deeply affected by gravity - by mass. However, he didn't know it could also be affected by Byun Baekhyun. 

Having his eyes on him, is pulling him down - the gravity, and having him speak to him is the mass, suffocating him. He isn't sure time is passing by, it feels frozen. 

There is nothing an outsider could consider romantic about the scene, nothing earth shattering. But they're looking at each other, and Kyungsoo knows Baekhyun wants to say something he probably won't. 

There are heavy steps somewhere in the apartment, if Kyungsoo could look away from Baekhyun's eyes, he'd see this Chanyeol guy approaching with their food. He doesn't see him until the plates are placed in the middle of the table. "Put your things somewhere else, Baekhyun's bound to pour sauce on them."

  
  


Eating with Baekhyun and his roommate is a horror show. 

He quickly understands what people mean when they say a person radiates chaotic energy. 

His ears are attacked by plates crashing and loud mouths chewing - by big laughs and the music Baekhyun never paused still playing from his computer. 

Afternoon quickly settles into night. They haven’t moved from the table, bellies full. 

Baekhyun reads from his notes and Kyungsoo asks him everytime he needs help editing something. Chanyeol joined them with his own laptop after putting the plates away. It’s comfortable. Too comfortable, Kyungsoo feels like he is taking advantage of this guy’s time. “I don’t think a sandwich bag is enough to pay for a whole afternoon of tutoring.”

Baekhyun lets out a sweet puff of air through his nose. “Just do well - that’s enough.” He smiles at him sweetly, a smile that blends into a yawn and Baekhyun stretches on the chair. “Besides, I wouldn’t call answering 6 questions in 5 hours tutoring.”

It is not enough. Kyungsoo doesn’t think it is, especially if he wants to see him again. His throat feels very dry from not speaking much for a couple hours. There’s the untouched iced tea Baekhyun brough for him about an hour ago still next to his computer, so he takes it. 

He can feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him as he brings it up to his lips. He stores that somewhere in the back of his mind. 

His phone vibrates on the table, a text lights up the screen. 

_ did u get laid yet? _

His phone is right next to Chanyeol - who looked over to check if it had been his that vibrated - whose face is so red, Kyungsoo almost wants to ask if he is okay. He can’t though, he is barely breathing. 

Park Sooyoung. 

Chanyeol looks at him, still a bit red, but with a wide smile on his face, teeth showing. “interesting.” He mouths to Kyungsoo, and suddenly, has to get out. 

“I think I should go.” 

Baekhyun makes a confused sound and looks up from his screen. The other two are still looking at each other, “Oh, did he bully you again? Just throw something and tell him to go fetch.”

“Okay, absolutely horrible. Rude. You’re living rent free under My sister’s roof.”

Baekhyun waves his hand in his general direction but is only looking at Kyungsoo, who has, thankfully, calmed down a bit. “Need a ride?”

Chanyeol screams. Very loudy, it echoes through the apartment and startles both of them. Kyungsoo has never been one for physical violence, but something about this guy is very inspiring. “Do you, kid?” 

Kyungsoo is glaring at him, but manages to have his voice come out calmly. “No, thank you. I’m seeing a friend just a few streets over.” He lies. 

He can hear Chanyeol’s voice faintly say oh. But decides to ignore him.

Baekhyun gets up and pats his tights, “Okay then, let’s walk you downstairs.” 

-

  
  


_ “Here, good boy” Sehun looks up at him with food hanging out of his mouth, “take this too.” He places the last bits of cesar salad on Sehun’s plate. Sehun has always blushed a bit when eating things he likes. Today is no different and it puts a smile on Kyungsoo’s face.  _

_ “What have you been up to? Haven’t seen you much since summer.”  _

_ Sehun puffs his cheeks - he is still biting through some food. “You know, it’s all on my page.”  _

_ Kyungsoo is annoyed. He doesn’t want to know from videos on the internet, he wants to know from his friend he has known for years. _

_ Sehun puts the spoon down, a frown on his face. “Why are you staring at me like that?” _

_ “I feel a bit insulted.”  _

_ “Kyungsoo, calm down.”  _

_ Kyungsoo wasn’t anywhere near the state someone needs to be in to be told to calm down. The comment only leaves him more stressed and hurt. “Don’t do that. Don’t treat me like I’m being pathetic.” _

_ There’s silence. Ugly silence Kyungsoo isn’t sure they've ever experienced before in their years of friendship, somehow feeling in his chest like it is the first of many.  _

_ Kyungsoo goes to the bathroom and when he comes back Sehun is gone. Bill paid, and gone.  _

_ He blames it on adolescence.  _

_ - _

“I will play it one more time.’

Kyungsoo is standing in front of the whole class. His auditory training exam is taking place. His back is to his classmates, but he can feel them cringe from the teacher’s rudeness. The knot on his throat gets tighter. 

The teacher plays the same two notes on the keyboard. Kyungsoo swallows, he is between a Major 6th and a Minor 7th. Knows it's one of those two. “Minor 7th?” He asks in the end.

The old man sighs loudly, “You’ve seen the Star Wars saga, kid?” Kyungsoo understands he got it wrong, swallows again. Knot getting bigger by the second. “Yes.”

“Watch them again. Wrong.” 

Kyungsoo nods and bows. Two more questions to go - he doesn’t know if he will get through it. Eyes filling up quickly. 

The old man plays a scale, this time, he is sure of his answer. “Harmonic Minor.” 

He doesn’t get feedback form his correct answer and the teacher goes on to the final scale. A natural minor, Kyungsoo says the correct answer again and the teacher just waves him off. 

Tears are already rolling down his cheeks when he gets to his seat. 

It’s just… the last two weeks have felt so long, so heavy. 

Just like he had said, Baekhyun had been busy the whole week after their second session. Only having time to quickly greet him before class. Classes in which both of them were very professional. 

So Kyungsoo devoted himself to studying for his finals.

Finals that somehow, had creeped up on him. Finals, that as hard as he tried to -- he couldn't focus on. 

Baekhyun occupied every corner of his anguished mind. 

He wishes he could dump all the guilt he felt for underperforming on his dumb crush on the senior, but reality was much more complicated than that. 

His head feels heavy. Humiliation is a weird emotion. 

Realistically, he knows this is nothing in the big scheme of things, he has been doing well enough in this class - and it’d be graded alongside the big concert on the final day of school. He knows he has his whole life to get what he got wrong today, right. And still, there are warm tears streaming down his face. 

Being a quiet cryier has always worked well for him. 

“You’re dismissed.”

  
  


He wipes his face roughly with the back of his hand and throws his bag on his shoulder, all in what feels like one move. The headphones in his bag hit his hip weird, and it stings for a bit -- a pain he is willing to endure to get out of there as fast as he can. 

His eyes are glued to the floor. Every part of his body hurts - he has his fists clenched trying to hold back tears, nails almost piercing through skin. 

In the hallway, he can’t see him, but he hears Baekhyun call his name. He doesn’t stop. He hears rushed steps and then, a pair of green converse are right in front of his own feet, it’s too late to sprint. “Hey, first final went well?” 

Baekhyun’s sentence falls along with his face when Kyungsoo looks up at him. He knows the way he looks, with drying tears on his cheeks. Baekhyun’s eyebrows go up and that pout from the first conversation they had shows up again. “Oh god, that bad?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. Baekhyun hums. He taps his foot softly and the sound travels to Kyungsoo’s ears, it is somewhat pleasant. 

“Meet me by the main lobby in an hour?” 

Kyungsoo nods. And when he doesn't ask anything more, the older boy leaves. Not without gifting him a smile. 

He calls Sooyoung. 

  
  
  
  


“You wanna go back to my place?” Kyungsoo spits the tea he was just sipping on all over himself and the lobby’s floor.

Baekhyun stares at him blankly while he lets out a couple coughs, and then starts laughing. “Thank you so much!” He suddenly says and Kyungsoo just can't stomach any more humiliation today. “For what?”

Baekhyun’s hand travels, pointing at everything that is now wet, “Never seen that happen in real life before.” 

The silence that follows isn’t comfortable at all. Not with how they’re looking into each other’s eyes. 

Baekhyun is wearing a white hoodie and a smirk and Kyungsoo’s insides are on fire.

“So, my place?” 

  
  


Baekhyun has a nice car. Having a car is something so foreign to Kyungsoo that it never occurred to him that the other boy might have one. But he does, and it is very nice.

Kyungsoo doesn't know about brands, but it smells well taken care of, and the inside is leather.

He fastens his seat-belt and puts his bag on his lap.

  
  


“Ehm.” Kyungsoo is on the floor putting on the same Barbie slippers as he did last time. He looks up at Baekhyun, he has a bit of a blush on his cheeks. “I have a MIDI in my room.”

He frowns. “I’m sorry?”

“For your final project, remember you told me you didn’t have one?”

Ah. RIght. 

He stands up with a not audible crack to his knees. “I already finished that.”

Baekhyun is looking at his face all over. Eyebrows furrowed.

They’re standing close, maybe too close for new friends. But neither one is backing away, so Kyungsoo thinks it is fine. 

“Labs, it’s ready to be turned in on Friday.”

Baakhyun’s face finally relaxes and he beams at him. “Good boy.”

They start to make their way through the apartment, Baekhyun leaving a path of his things behind.

He throws his jacket on the breakfast bar. “What do you wanna do then? You want to revise?” 

Kyungsoo stands with his hands in his pocket. “I don’t want to do anything school related.” 

He smiles at him. “Do you, perhaps, enjoy milkshakes with hamburgers?” 

  
  


-

_ Kyungsoo has decided to just give it up.  _

_ It is his final months of high school, he has more important things to do than chasing after someone, who now, four months after they last hung out, feels more like an old friend.  _

_ It pains him. He was never someone to chase after a life where he would keep in touch with the friends he made in middle school and high school, but that never included Sehun. Sehun was family.  _

_ He can see him balancing himself on the second floor’s railing of the school’s library. One of his dumb friends is pointing a camera at him, because of course he is. _

_ Kyungsoo feels it before anyone else. He feels it before everyone hears the crack of the wood. He feels it before Sehun’s screaming starts. _

_ It feels like time is frozen. Kyungsoo see’s everything in slow motion as he throws the book he was holding on the ground and runs across the room. He has his heart in his throat, a breath caught in his chest.  _

_ But he gets there in time. He feels a crushing pain in his chest first, and then on his lower back. He tries to speak, but nothing comes out. _

_ His hands reach around Sehun and go for the boy’s face. There is steady air coming out of his nose. “Hyung, are you okay?!” He squeezes Sehun’s hips and everything goes black.  _

  
  


_ He opens his eyes and the yellow light of the school’s infirmary greet him, as well as two frightened faces looking down at him. _

_ “Is there something in my face?” _

_ An unison chorus of desperate hyung and oppa invade his ears.  _

_ His sister hugs him. “Did I faint?”  _

_ “Uhm, yeah. Nurses said it was probably from stress, your body is fine and you don’t seem to have a concussion.”  _

_ Kyungsoo hums. “I love to not seem like I have a concussion, only the best from our beloved school!”  _

_ The kids laugh.  _

  
  


_ Sehun gets expelled, as well as the guy who was holding the camera. _

  
  


_ - _

  
  


“Are you rich?” He blurts it out unintentionally. 

Baekhyun has been laughing pretty much since they entered the kitchen -- if he didn't know better, Kyungsoo would think he was nervous. 

There is just… so much food ready to be used. They have one of those fridges with two big doors, one side is only for drinks and already cooked food and the other side is for uncooked things of the best quality. Kyungsoo felt very shocked. 

Baekhyun doesn’t answer, so he goes for something easier to digest. “Were you already planning to eat a large meat meal today?” 

Baekhyun is hands deep in the meat. Mixing it with at least ten things Kyungsoo doesn’t understand. It smells really nice though. “Chanyeol and I have been making burgers for our friends during finals every semester since freshman year.” 

Oh. “They’re for Friday but I’m sure we can steal two for today.” 

“That still doesn’t explain the drinks fridge and seperate freezer just for ice-cream.” Baekhyun reaches his hand up to Kyungsoo’s cheek and smears something that smells like BBQ sauce on it. 

Kyungsoo is frozen in place -- not because he is grossed out, or embarrassed that his question went unanswered again, but because he realises this is the first time Baekhyun touches him. 

“My brother married rich.” His hand is gone but he is still looking at Kyungsoo. “Chanyeol’s sister? Yoora? She is a very famous ID in Europe. They’re twelve years older than us, met backpacking through Australia about ten years ago. They married about four years ago, they take care of us.” 

Kyungsoo understands that. He knows if any of his siblings were ever to be in a position like that, the other two would never need anything else. He feels a bit of heat in his chest. He really likes that Baekhyun has a family that takes care of him. He wants to know if they have anything else in common there.

Baekhyun doesn’t go back to the meat, so he asks on. “Twelve years? It must’ve been hard for your parents to have you so far apart.”

“Not really. Mom always jokes about how it was funny having two only childs.” Kyungsoo nods and relaxes onto the kitchen bar. “Dad was 46 when they had me, so he was not as active -- but it was still very loving.” 

“So you got all your cuteness from them?”

Baekhyun blushes. This time is a deep deep red that goes all the way up to his ears. Kyungsoo knows it's too late to back out, feeling heat making it’s way up to his face. “Doh Kyungsoo thinks I am cute?” 

They’re laughing a bit, both still red. “Go back to the meat, Baekhyun-ah.”

“No respect from children these days!” 

There are drops of sweat forming on Baekhyun’s neck -- Kyungsoo grabs one of the kitchen towels and gently presses it onto it. 

Baekhyun visibly shivers but doesn’t say or do anything else so Kyungsoo carries on. “This is the third time we hang out.” 

“He counts as well? The crowd is going wild!” Kyungsoo playfully shoves him forward by the neck and then drops his hand. 

“Why did you come here?” 

“Oh? You waited to ask me again because of what I said that day?” He looks at Kyungsoo, who nods and immediately looks back down to the bowl of meat. “It was a joke, Kyungsoo-yah.” He is finally done with the meat and goes to start heating up the pan. “Maybe the same as you? I just don’t like the capital -- and a friend of my dad's who worked here for a few years, spoke highly of it. Guess I fell in love?” 

Kyungsoo nods for him to carry on and passes him the olive oil. “Chanyeol followed me because of the band. It has worked out fine.” 

“Band?” The sizzling of the pan when the meat hits it almost drowns out Kyungsoo’s voice. Baekhyun lets out a puff of air, almost like he has been wounded. “You didn’t ask around about me?” 

“Why would I do that?” Kyungsoo is laughing a bit so Baekhyun follows, he thinks it is just to seem at ease. “I asked around about you. It was hard, you apparently don’t have many friends.” 

One meat patty out, one to go. He passes Baekhyun a plate. “What did you find out?” 

“Just that that Jung kid from class thinks you’re mean.” 

“Jung kid?” More sizzling from the pan. “Jung Jaehyun?” 

Baekhyun nods and Kyungsoo doubles over laughing. “That asshole!” 

Baekhyun flips the meat onto the plate and follows up Kyungsoo’s laugh. “You wanna know why he thinks that?”

Baekhyun wipes his hand on the same towel Kyungsoo used to dry his sweat off, bright eyes looking at him, and nods. “If you allow!”

“He spent the first week of class telling me every detail of his sex life, i just stopped sitting next to him. How am I mean for that?”

Baekhyun crosses his hands in front of him and after he doesn’t say anything, Kyungsoo looks at him to find him staring back with a strange look on his face. “So you’re one of those.”

“One of those?”

Baekhyun smirks, “Those people who don’t notice when someone has a crush on them.”   
  
“What? No, what are you talking about?” It comes out alongside a nervous laugh. 

“Terrible technique, possibly lies even, but that boy just wanted to seem cool to get you into bed.” 

Kyungsoo stares in shock and Baekhyun drops his arms to finish the burgers. “It’s cute. Good to know.” He winks at him. 

Baekhyun’s room, unlike the rest of the apartment, feels very, very warm. The walls are still white, and the duvet the same gray of the couch, but the room feels comforting. 

The sunset is coming through the big windows, making the room look all shades of orange. It looks like a painting. 

“Aren’t you nervous of your neighbors looking through those giant windows?” He sets their milkshakes down on the reading table Baekhyun has by a bay window. 

Baekhyun follows up with their burgers. “Curtains do come in handy.” They sit down on the floor and Baekhyun starts going through his phone. “It’s fine. I don’t do immoral things, Doh-ssi.” He winks again. Kyungsoo decides he hates it. 

He returns a smile, nonetheless. 

The burgers look good. Good enough to make Kyungsoo wonder if cooking is a hobby Baekhyun has. “I almost don’t want to eat? This looks really good Baekhyun!” 

Baekhyun on the other hand, is three bites in, “Nonsense. Eat before my anxiety kicks in!” 

Kyungsoo wasn’t wrong. He thinks they could fit well into any nice restaurant. “You’re insane, why do you cook this well?” 

Baekhyun kicks him gently under the table, and then just leaves his foot near Kyungsoo’s leg. He ignores it for now. “My dad’s a chef, I’ll admit these are nice, but they have nothing on his.” 

Kyungsoo has developed a habit of not thinking before he speaks to Baekhyun. “Maybe one day I will.” 

Baekhyun blinks at him, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what it means, but he knows whatever will come out of Baekhyun’s mouth next will be in the lower register of his voice -- he has half a second to prepare for it. Thankfully. “I’ll hold you to it.” 

  
  


-

  
  


_ It’s been a month since Sehun got expelled and he still hasn’t seen him. This time, it’s because he is grounded at home. His parents trying to figure out how to save his school year.  _

_ He hears from his mom that military school in America was an option that was thrown around, and he throws up.  _

_ All he knows about those schools is from movies, and they don’t paint a nice picture for a free soul like Sehun’s.  _

_ So on a Saturday, he calls Sehun’s mom and asks for permission to go see him. She quickly agrees.  _

_ “I told him he was only not allowed to see those kids.” She tells him while he puts on his usual slippers the Oh family still keep by the door. The way she says it makes Kyungsoo’s skin crawl, it is very nasty, but well deserved. “Your family is always allowed here.” He pats his head and leaves him to it.  _

_ He knocks once before opening Sehun’s door. He is in bed playing a game on his phone. Looks too good for someone who might've just gotten his whole futured ruined. Made a very difficult mess to clean up. Kyungsoo thinks it probably is the adolescent naivety telling him his parents will fix it all for him, in the end.  _

_ “Looking good, you demon.” Sehun looks up from his phone with his mouth hanging open. “Hyung!”  _

_ He gets out of bed and goes to hug him. He is even taller than the last time they did that. “You could model, if everything else fails.”  _

_ Sehun rolls his eyes and sits on his bed. “Doubt my parents will ever allow me out of their sight.”  _

_ “Guess they found the youtube page as well.”  _

_ He nods.  _

_ “What are we going to do?”  _

_ Sehun laughs with sadness, all of his confident front coming down. “Can I tell you a secret?” Kyungsoo nods.  _

_ Graduation is in a month. Kyungsoo is already settled on the University he wants to go to. Maybe they can find a way for Sehun to transfer his credits to a high school in Daegu. Kyungsoo could take care of him.  _

_ “I think I want to just… take one of those online curses and call it quits with school.”  _

_ It’s not an alarming thing. It is a bit shocking, but Sehun being willing to at least get a certificate passifies it. “Okay, and do what then? Jump straight to college at 16?”  _

_ Sehun shakes his head. “Those certificates still take about a year, I'd finish around the time I could enlist.” _

_ Silence. “Sehun, if you have military dreams, just go to that boarding school then. What are you on about?”  _

_ “No school is going to accept me with everything I did! I have no options!” _

_ “You are being dramatic. You accidentally broke school property, you didnt fuck a teacher while simultanously running a gang, Oh Sehun.” _

_ Sehun is looking at him weird. Like he missed something. It makes Kyungsoo feel uneasy, but then, it seems to click in Sehun’s head.  _

_ “You don’t know.”  _

_ The uneasiness grows to something more, his heart starts beating a bit faster. And he is scared to ask, but suddenly, the way people started looking at Sehun and his friends, the way they’d whisper as they passed by, comes like flashes to his head -- he asks.  _

_ Sehun puffs out air and looks defeated. He has never seen anyone look so sad. Kyungsoo wants to make it all go away.  _

_ “It wasn’t just youtube videos.”  _

_ Kyungsoo cries with him.  _

  
  


-

  
  


Baekhyun plays songs from his phone and they just talk. 

They talk about films and books and games and songs. 

They end up on the same side of the table, with bellies full and Kyungsoo’s heart's content. 

He reaches for Baekhyun’s phone to play a song, something they’ve been doing back and forth for at least an hour. “I finally remembered the song your room reminds me of.” 

Baekhyun groans, “I hate Harry Styles.” 

Kyungsoo punches his arm a bit too hard and Baekhyun laughs, bringing his arms up in submission “I love Harry Styles! Harry Styles, best musician ever!” 

Their laughs fade out and the song plays on. 

Kyungsoo leans back on the wall and closes his eyes. Food settling in. He feels Baekhyun move around a bit and when he opens his eyes, the older boy has a pillow on his hands. “Here, let me.” 

Kyungsoo leans forward to allow Baekhyun access. “There.”

They’re close. So close. 

Kyungsoo leans back on the pillow, much more comfortable now. But Baekhyun’s arm never leaves, simply settles around Kyungsoo. 

Butterflies take over him. 

The song finishes and another song from the same album starts. “It’s your turn to change the song, hyung.” Kyungsoo whispers. Baekhyun’s eyebrows shut up and he mouths a mocking Hyung back. 

Their faces are the closest they've ever been, they could kiss like this. 

And it settles in his mind and body that is exactly what they’ve been doing all along. Ever since the neck press almost a month ago. 

Baekhyun is calmed. Nothing in his demeanor is different from what it was before they were this close. He smiles at him and grabs his phone from the table without pulling away from Kyungsoo. 

He scrolls through the app, and Donna Summer starts playing. Kyungsoo chuckles. “You seem to like Disco.” 

“I like pop music, not much of that these days.” 

Kyungsoo eases into his touch, ultimately resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. 

And for the first time, Baekhyun’s body slips out of his control and gives Kyungsoo an evident reaction. He laughs under his breath, Baekhyun settling back down almost immediately. “You’re kinda great Doh Kyungsoo.” 

  
  


It’s innocent. 

They listen to music in silence for a while, until Chanyeol comes barging through the door. Kyungsoo is starting to hate this guy. 

“I’ll drive you home.” 

They’re finishing the dishes, and Kyungsoo really wants him too, but refuses. “Another friend to meet nearby?” He knows Baekhyun knew from the beginning that was a lie. Doesn’t bother him. 

“To be honest, I just need to get away from you quickly. It has been a lot.” 

Chanyeol walks into the kitchen just then, a loud laugh announcing his arrival. “Jesus, what did you do to him?” 

Baekhyun throws water at him and takes Kyungsoo’s hand to pull him out of there. 

“Text me when you get home.”

“Reply when I do.” 

Baekhyun smiles at him and Kyungsoo feels golden inside. 

“Did you forget about your bad day?” 

In all honestly, Doh Kyungsoo did.

  
  
  
  
  


**Track Three: Careful**

_ Kyungsoo’s final weeks of college are exhausting. He passes all his exams with flying colors, has every reason to be happy and relieved, but at night he has a crying Oh Sehun on the phone.  _

_ They were bullying other students in their grade,  _

_ Kyungsoo doesn’t want to know the full story. Not just because he doesn’t think he could stomach it -- because he knows Sehun needs someone who sees him, and not the awful things he didn’t stop.  _

_ Sehun is sent to therapy. The Oh family is the only one who reaches out to the victims. Kyungsoo doesn’t know much about the outcome -- just knows Sehun was unfortunately right, no school in Seoul wants him.  _

_ His parents agree to getting a GED in the end. They don’t agree to Sehun enlisting before College.  _

_ They’re watching a concert, one of the american groups Sehun ended up liking because of his new friends -- Kyungsoo thinks the music is fine.  _

_ “Why did you agree?”  _

_ He hadn’t asked. It scapes his mouth and Sehun cuddles closer to give. “There was a boy.”  _

_ Oh.  _

_ “You’re an imbecile. I raised you better.” _

_ “A boy kissed you two summers ago and you still can’t watch romantic scenes.”  _

_ It’ll all figure itself out.  _

  
  


_ Except it doesn’t.  _

_ The only condition Sehun’s parents gave him, for them to support him and help him through it all was to never see any of the people involved in that gang again.  _

_ But, There Was A Boy.  _

_ Kyungsoo helps him at first. Against his better judgement and Yerim’s advice.  _

_ It’s dumb walks alongside the river at first. He follows them for afar, in case they somehow run into Sehun’s parents, they can say it was an accidental run in.  _

_ They have the operation planned out.  _

_ The boy looks inofensive, Kyungsoo wants to believe he was a victim to a third party like Sehun was as well. But it changes.  _

_ The boy, whose name he still doesn’t know and doesn’t want too -- can’t risk saying it in front of the Ohs -- gets bored fast.  _

_ They quickly get bolder, and the cafe dates begin.  _

_ They’re dumb, all three of them.  _

_ They go to places Sehun’s parents very well could show up to, and Kyungsoo makes the mistake of trying to get Sehun to stop.  _

_ “You two finished saying goodbye?”  _

_ Sehun nods, “You think we can do this again on Wednesday?” _

_ They’re waiting for the bus, the night is very cold for summer, and Kyungsoo hasn’t been sleeping well for… well, the whole year. “No.”  _

_ It’s mean. But Kyungsoo thinks the kid deserves the mean right now. “No Sehun. I won’t spend my last summer home chaperoning your dates.”  _

_ “Okay. I’ll figure it out.”  _

_ The bus pulls up but Kyungsoo grabs Sehun back and stops him from getting on. “No.” _

_ The hand Sehun doesn’t have in his jacket goes up to his neck. He is puffing air through his nose dramatically, he is throwing a tantrum -- the storm inside Kyungsoo only gets worse. “Enlighten me, hyung.”  _

_ “What are you doing here, Sehun? Why don’t you enlighten me?”  _

_ Another bus pulls up, but this time neither one of them makes a move to get in.  _

_ “It’s just dating, you’re acting like I’m committing a crime.” _

_ “You’re acting like you haven’t been crying over the things you did for weeks.” _

_ They’re screaming. People have started to line up for the bus a bit further from them.  _

_ “Why are you trying to parent me? Aren’t you sick of parenting dumb Oh Sehun? Are you my friend, or not?” _

_ Kyungsoo’s body fails him, he takes an involuntary step back. “I didn’t really see you for almost a year, are you insane?” _

_ “Apparently!” Sehun is screaming -- properly screaming at the top of his lungs.  _

_ Kyungsoo wants to finish this. It’s getting colder and colder and Sehun’s curfew was an hour ago. They both probably have messages from their parents asking where they are.  _

_ It just annoys him how wrong Sehun is. How far from reality he stands.  _

_ One of them has to get them back on the yellow brick road. He steps back again, this time hoping to send a message. Peace. “If I wanted to parent you, I would have told on you. I just don’t like him -- who you become when you are with them. This isn’t you.” He says it as calmly as he possibly can.  _

_ His mouth tastes like metal from clenching it too hard. He only has a second to notice this because something in Sehun looks very ugly, all of the sudden.  _

_ The younger kid steps forward with a vengeance. He has to lean down to talk to Kyungsoo on face level now, one of the few new things about him Kyungsoo has had an easier time coming to terms with -- but he is purposefully invading the space Kyungsoo gave them to calm down.  _

_ “So you’re just a jealous prick?”  _

_ The punch lands on Sehun’s left cheek.  _

  
  


_ - _

  
  


“I can’t believe it’s the final day.” The whole class is sitting in a circle outside the classroom, waiting for the group before them to finish turning in their final projects -- they’re running late, 

They’re passing comments back and forth, some who hadn’t exchanged numbers do. Kyungsoo is at ease. 

He is sitting next to a monochrome Park Sooyoung today. “I wear yellow when I’m nervous.” she had explained after Kyungsoo laughed when she turned the corner in the lobby. 

The door opens and everyone gets up to allow students to evacuate. 

Baekhyun greets them by the door with a smile. “Ready?”

  
  
  
  
  


They've been texting, but Kyungsoo had not seen Baekhyun since Monday. 

It takes him by surprise when Baekhyun greets him with a hug after class is done. 

It’s quick and mostly something a friend would do -- it still makes Kyungsoo a flushing mess. 

Baekhyun giggles and drops his arms, “You’re cute.” He then turns to a gasping Park Sooyoung. “What are you kids doing to celebrate the end of your first semester?” 

“I was just about to ask if Kyungsoo wanted to come back to my place. I’m having a few of my friends from the ensemble over, but you’re invited too!” She is way too excited, and with the way she is standing in front of an even more mischievous looking Baekhyun, Kyungsoo knows he is no match for them. 

He slides his hands up to his pockets and rolls his eyes, “Fine, but if someone comes up to tell me their life story, I’m leaving.” 

Baekhyun smiles at him with his teeth.

  
  
  


He agrees to go back to her place early to help her set up -- Baekhyun would be joining later with drinks -- calling it senior curtsey. 

“You live by yourself?” 

It’s a cute house. Blatantly decorated with every girly cliche, but very cute. “No, no. It’s a student house, the owner lives upstairs. There’s five of us.” Kyungsoo nods. They’re rearranging the living room to make space for people. 

“So, you and hot TA.” 

He hums happily. “We listened to music together.” 

“How unique from music students!” 

“Oh, shut up! It was romantic.” 

“Did you kiss?” 

He blushes, but it’s fine. “No.”

“Are you kissing tonight?”

“Sooyoung, move the couch.”

People start arriving after 6. Much like Sooyoung promised, the group is mostly voice majors. They’re calm for the most part. Chatting around the living room, some go too hard on the alcohol too fast, but no one seems to be a troublemaker. It’s nice. 

He is on the patio by himself. He can see the street, the cars passing by and the few people, mostly young adults, on their way to their Friday night plans. 

He takes a sip of the drink Joy made for him, something close to a mojito. 

The night is very pretty. The sky is clearer in the residential part of town, the moon is in a perfect crescent, the air is cool but not cold… 

He can also see Baekhyun and Chanyeol get out of a cab, with what looks like beer.

He has felt mostly embarrassed every time he sees him since they met. But right now, watching him get out of the car, all dressed in black, with his blue hair pushed back, Kyungsoo feels tongue-tied. 

The men don’t notice him and they go in. 

He takes another sip. 

He hears the door to the patio open and feels the weight of someone entering. He is excited to see Baekhyun. 

He plays it cool, takes one more sip -- only looks up when the heat of another body is next to his. 

Baekhyun is so handsome. He is smiling a warm smile. “You look so good with your hair pushed back.” 

Baekhyun coughs around his beer. “Plan worked then.” 

Kyungsoo looks back out onto the street while Baekhyun leans on the rail. “Are you nervous about the recital?” 

Baekhyun thinks about it, beer can around his lips. “Not really, been doing these twice a year for three years. What is your class doing?” 

Kyungsoo laughs, “Debussy.” 

“Hm. No Harry Styles?” Kyungsoo pushes his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t be an ass.”

Breeze blows Kyungsoo’s hair into his face -- he hears Baekhyun giggle, and feels his hand reach out to fix his hair. 

He leaves his hand there -- tucking a bit of hair behind his ear. “What are you doing with your break?”

He can feel Baekhyun’s breath with every word he says. Baekhyun smells like mint, light beer and hope. 

Hope is something Kyungsoo didn’t know he was in desperate need of. 

He thought he had found it with school -- at least something to feel content about. But it was not until that afternoon in Baekhyun’s room, that he felt real happiness again. 

Maybe he is a cryer after all, he manages to hold back in favor of showing the older boy his best face. 

“Maybe read a book.” He jokes hoping it will land, and pride sparks in his chest when Baekhyun laughs. “Let’s start a book club then.”

“You’re staying in town?” Baekhyun nods and lets go of Kyungsoo at last, he instantly misses the touch. “We usually play a lot of bars during the holidays.” 

“Huh?” 

Baekhyun gives him the confused look Kyungsoo is starting to know -- one where his eyes still shine, but they look darker and his smile is mocking. “You really didn’t ask anyone about me?” Kyungsoo shakes his head no and is cut off when he tries to speak, “Chanyeol and I have a duo -- we do pretty well. Quite famous in town, if I may say so myself.”

It gets quiet for a moment, Baekhyun finishes off his beer and turns to lean on the rail the same way Kyungsoo is. “Ask me about myself.”

“Sorry?” 

“You haven’t really done that. Ask me about myself.” 

He turns it over in his head. 

It’s true. 

Baekhyun asked him a lot about the things he liked and his family when they were in his room, nerves must’ve gotten the best of him, because he didn’t ask much back. 

“Okay, twenty questions, then? A shot for every time the other answers well.”

“A drinking game, Doh Kyungsoo? Alright” he stands up straight and gives him his hand to shake, “bring it on.”

  
  


Joy gives them her room, a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. 

They sit on the floor, with dim lights and the bottle between them. 

The music has gotten louder as the night progresses, so it's comfortable -- sets a good mood. 

Baekhyun claps and pours the first two shots. 

They down them. 

It burns his throat, but it feels incredible. 

“First kiss.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes like a showman. “Seventeen, girl from dance class.” 

He pours and Kyungsoo downs the shot -- both of them ignoring how Baekhyun actually pours less than half. 

“Animation you have a crush on.” The older spits back. 

Kyungsoo smirks, “Isn’t everyone’s Aladdin?” 

Baekhyun smirks back, pours himself, and drinks. 

“Worst date.” 

Baekhyun laughs at the memory -- wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “Not long after we moved here, Chanyeol begged me to go on a double date with him -- the girl he was dating had a gay twin, I’m a saint, so I agree. 

Dinner was fine, the boy was a little shy, which is understandable considering my good looks.” Kyungsoo follows the journey Baekhyun takes around his body, and blushes a bit. “But overall, it was fine. However, dumb, dumb Chanyeol and his date end up getting drunk on wine, and I don’t feel like driving, so this guy offers to.” 

“Please tell me no one dies.” Kyungsoo cuts him off mildly concerned, Baekhyun shakes his head no. 

“We get on our street, it’s pretty late so no one is on it. He starts going suspiciously slow, but I tell myself it is because he wants to look at me longer.” It is said around a laugh, so Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “But then, he jumps out of the car.” 

“What?”

Baekhyun laughs harder, already pouring Kyungsoo another half empty shot. “He jumps out of the moving car. His sister starts screaming -- Not again! -- turns out, he thought that was a quirky thing to do around guys.” 

“Cheers!” He downs the shot. 

“What about your first kiss, then.”

Kyungsoo is still trying to mask the tequila burn with saliva, he coughs a little. His stomach is starting to hurt. “My hyung’s best friend.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen, “Wow, kinky!”

“It wasn’t, pretty bad actually. He moved away.” 

“Hm.” Baekhyun pours himself. 

“Sex?” He is shy around the word, alcohol helping a lot, but not enough to not make him blush. 

Baekhyun only makes it worse, “Not in Joy’s room! Not with Coldplay playing, please!”

“Oh, shut up!” They laugh. 

“Seventeen, same girl from the same dance class.” 

“With a boy?” Baekhyun shakes his head no. 

“Just one qquestion at a time, drink up!” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but does as he is told. 

His face is tingling from the boose, and his feet are numb. He feels light and relaxed. Baekhyun looks at him for a little while, and then asks his question. “Who gave you your composition notebook.” 

Kyungsoo frowns, “How do you know someone gave it to me?” 

“There’s a note in one of the pages towards the end.”

His stomach burns harder, this time with a bit of anxiety too. With alcohol enabling a bit of word vomit, he thinks out loud. “Dumb Changmin, never told me about a note.”

Baekhyun is already downing his own shot, “Brother’s friend?” 

Kyungsoo smirks, “One question at a time.” 

Baekhyun laughs very pretty, with the night sky in his eyes. “Do you want to be famous? You look like someone who should already be a celebrity,” 

For the first time, Baekhyun looks down. He thinks it over for a little while -- long enough for Kyungsoo to feel guilty about it. “I’m not sure.” 

Kyungsoo isn’t satisfied with the answer, but drinks the shot anyway. 

“So, brother’s friend?” Kyungsoo nods. 

“You hook up a lot with students?” Baekhyun hard swallows the shot he was in the middle of drinking, spitting some of it out. “First of all, I don’t have students -- you’re my peers, I just happen to grade some papers once in a while. And secondly, no. Never.” 

Kyungsoo takes the bottle from him, pours himself a real shot, and drinks. 

“Sex with a guy!” 

Baekhyun laughs hard with his chest, sound echoing through the music. “Jesus, Kyungsoo.” 

He thinks about making a blasphemy joke, but is more interested in letting Baekhyun answer. “Nineteen, I had a boyfriend.” 

Kyungsoo nods. He isn’t sure who is supposed to ask or drink anymore. He stares at the bottle and when he looks up at the man in front of him, he is already looking back with something that feels both safe and scary, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to deal with it. 

“I think the game is over.”

Kyungsoo nods, “You’ve won.” 

Baekhyun reaches out to take the bottle from him, “Didn’t know we were competing.” 

Kyungsoo watches him sip on the shot slowly. Like it is some rich fruity drink he wants to get the most of. 

“You kinda like me?” Kyungsoo hiccups all over the question, the numbness of his face getting ridiculous. 

Baekhyun is still smiling, he is always smiling. “You have to ask?” 

He doesn’t -- Kyungsoo’s early worries about this crush went away as quickly as they took over him, but it is still something he thinks he needs to hear. 

His legs hurt from sitting on them for so long, he stretches them in front of him. Baekhyun reaches out and squeezed his left calf. The pressure on the muscle feels really nice, sending electricity all over him. 

He knows there is not any intent behind the touch. “I think you’re someone whose professional life moves really fast, so you don’t rush other things.” 

A surprised laugh of agreement escapes the older man, Kyungsoo didn’t really mean to say it out loud, but is okay with the outcome. 

Baekhyun pulls his hand back in favor of relieving some stress in his own legs. “What do you mean?” 

Kyungsoo should make a draft of his answer in his head before speaking, but alcohol is getting in the way of that. “I think any other guy, whether they liked me or not, would have kissed me that day in your room.” 

They’re looking at each other, not much else to look at, or that he’d rather be looking at. He can clearly see Baekhyun’s whole reaction to his answer. He frowns, lips go into a thin line. “You were having a bad day, that would’ve been wrong.” 

“I’m not having a bad day right now.” He knows Baekhyun will reject him because they’ve been drinking, but the way he sees it, it is all still worth a shot. 

The rejection comes in a soft laugh and a smile. Then, Baekhyun gets up and offers Kyungsoo his hand. 

He takes it and is pulled up by a single arm. “Woah, you’re strong. It’s hot.” 

Baekhyun laughs again and helps him steady himself. “Are you going to regret any of this tomorrow? I need to know if I can bring it up again.” 

“Nah, I think… with you… it’ll be fine. I already feel embarrassed most of the time, anyway.” 

They rejoin the party in the middle of a dance battle. 

Baekhyun pours Kyungsoo a cup of cola filled to the rim with ice. It won’t sober it up, the sweet will probably contribute to his handover in the morning, but it feels amazing going down his throat. 

The music is louder here, he needs to lean into Baekhyun to talk to him. “Why aren’t you dancing?” 

“I don’t dance.” Kyungsoo shakes his head and laughs, “That’s bullshit. I know for a fact you do.” 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, “For a fact?” 

Kyungsoo blushes and Baekhyun leans back. “So you did ask about me, in the end.”

“I just put your name onto youtube when you went to the bathroom earlier, you move well.”

This time, it is Baekhyun who blushes. 

  
  
  


The bird chirping by his window has never been more unwelcomed. 

He is suffocating, the sun invading his space. He must’ve been too drunk to close the blinds when he got home last night. 

He faintly remembers Baekhyun getting them both into a cab, fishing for his keys and saying a polite apology to the owner of the house when she goes to check what the fuss was about. 

He needs water. No, he needs something with gas and greasy food. 

It’s the first day of winter break, he doesn’t have to do anything until the final rehearsal with his class on Saturday. 

So he doesn’t. He orders the food and the drink and just stays in bed all day. 

His phone rings some time late into the afternoon, when the sky is turning orange. 

“Hyung.” Baekhyun gasps into the line, “He is alive!” 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and puts him on speaker. “Barely, guess I’m a lightweight.” 

“Hm. I wouldn’t call getting drunk from 2 cans of beer, one screwdriver and like 8 shots being a lightweight.” 

“You weren’t really pouring those shots, though.” 

“Half of eight is still four.” 

They laugh for a little bit. “What are you doing tomorrow?” 

Baekhyun sounds shy and it injects adrenaline into him. “Nothing.” 

“We have a gig. Chanyeol and I.” 

Oh. Kyungsoo would very much like to go. “Text me the address and time.”

“No.” Kyungsoo looks at the phone just to have somewhere to direct his confusion to. “No?” 

“I’ll pick you up at 7.” 

Oh, he likes that too. 

  
  
  


**Track Four: Time of Our Lives**

Baekhyun is vibrating when he gets into his car. It’d be scary if Kyungsoo didn’t know the performing rush. 

“You look really hot, I’m a bit scared.” Kyungsoo isn’t lying. 

Baekhyun is dressed for a show. He has tight red denim pants on and a loose black v-neck. He is also wearing a bit of eyeshadow and a choker. “Scared?” 

He steps on the gas. “What kind of music do you make? I don’t know why I thought it’d be something acoustic.” 

Baekhyun smiles without taking his eyes off the road. “It isn’t showy, I just like dressing this way when I perform.” 

Kyungsoo nods mostly to himself. 

“Kyungsoo.” He looks at him, “You look really good too.”

Maybe one day he will stop blushing around these things. 

  
  


The bar is packed. He catches a few faces he thinks he knows from school, probably here to support everyone’s favorite teacher assistant. 

Baekhyun has to go backstage to set up with Chanyeol, so he finds a spot by the bar. Orders a beer and sips on it with content. 

He takes out his phone. His notifications from Sehun had gone up sometime during the night of the party. His phone feels physically heavy, it is emotionally draining. 

He is looking at it, hoping the messages will magically disappear. Of course they don’t. 

He just presses on it. He has to do it at some point. 

The first group of texts are from that last night on the bus stop. 

**_you’re an awful hyung_ **

**_i can't blv you took that comment to heart_ **

**_you’re so dumb for this_ **

He feels the same way he did that night reading them. He pulls through, he already knows from the text previews that Sehun apologizes at some point.

The second group is from a month later. 

He knows he has no position to feel stinging from it taking Sehun that long to reach out to him again -- but it still does. 

**_i talked to your sister_ **

**_she says youre good_ **

**_i guess you have experience wiping people off your life_ **

Kyungsoo wants to throw up. He downs his beer. 

The next few texts are from the night he moved out to college.

**_im sorry i really didnt mean that_ **

**_did you really leave without telling me_ **

**_your sister says your left but i dont believe her_ **

**_hyung?_ **

Sehun is a kid. They both are. He keeps forgetting that. He may be an adult legally, but Kyungsoo hasn’t been acting like one. Sehun on the other hand, is a teenager, and Kyungsoo made it all about himself when his friend needed him the most. 

He feels heavy from the guilt. There is a knot in his throat and tears forming in his eyes. 

The first act goes on, a cute girl with her guitar. She sings some Alanis Morisset covers, Kyungsoo claps when other people do, but ignores it for the most part. 

The next time Sehun texts him is a week into the term. 

**_im hate doing this over text but you wont pick up, im sorry_ **

A month later he got the worst one yet. 

**_i think i said those things bc that guy was in my head_ **

**_he is not in my life anymore_ **

**_not that it matters_ **

**_hyung_ **

**_am i really not part of your life anymore?_ **

It’s like reading the most heart clenching teen novel, but it’s his own doing. He did this to the kid over a dumb comment. It is all so pathetic he almost wants to laugh. 

The final round of texts are from the night of the party. 

**_im in town, i have a gig here_ **

**_oh, idk if you know, im modeling now_ **

**_im here for a few days_ **

**_just in case it is smth you want to know_ **

**_hope youre good_ **

**_always_ **

He finally blocks the screen and puts the phone back into his pocket. 

The girl is taking her final bow and he cheers for her through the pain. 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol are next. 

They place two chairs at the font of the stage and adjust their mic stands. Chanyeol has a guitar on his lap and Baekhyun a keyboard. 

“Hello, we’re XO.” Kyungsoo spits a bit of his drink on himself when he laughs at their name. Hug and Kiss doesn’t seem too fitting, maybe he’ll make a comment about it later. “We are going to play a few covers.” 

People cheer for them. Kyungsoo stays quiet, he wants to take in the audience. 

They play the first chord in their respective instruments and the crowd reacts immediately. Kyungsoo knows it’s an AKMU song, but he can’t really place it. 

Baekhyun sings prettier than he looks. 

He is taken over by them. It has been a very long time since Kyungsoo found something new he liked. 

They have a well put together set. One song melts into the other, they announce their last song and he is left wanting more. 

He cheers loudly with everyone in the room until the DJ takes over again. 

He pays for his beers and pushes his way through the crowd to make it to the side of the stage where the boys are packing their stuff. 

When he finally reaches them, he instinctively wraps his arms around Baekhyun. “You asshole, you were so good!” 

He catches Chanyeol laughing at them before he turns to talk to someone else. 

Baekhyun puts his arm around Kyungsoo’s waist. “First, you call me scary and now an asshole? Should I be concerned?” 

The music the DJ is playing is nice. The press of Baekhyun’s arm around him feels like his only link to the ground. There’s still pain in his chest, but right now, he is reminded of how much Baekhyun smells like hope. 

“Kiss me.” 

Baekhyun’s eyes widen and Kyungsoo can see his breath catching a bit. He runs his free hand through Kyungsoo’s hair and caresses his cheek. 

The press of his lips is gentle, sweet. It’s a short peck that is gone way too soon for Kyungsoo’s liking, but it’s okay.

“Are you ready to leave?” 

Kyungsoo nods. They make their way out the bar hand in hand. 

  
  


His phone is flashing the text window. 

**_where are you_ **

He sends it. 

  
  
  


He doesn’t expect a text back for at least a few hours. He closes the window and connects his phone to Baekhyun’s car to play some songs. 

“What do you want to do?” 

Kyungsoo thinks about it. He wants to go back to Baekhyun’s place with him -- but he doesn’t know how to dance around what he wants to do there. 

He smiles at him and Baekhyun puts his hand on his thigh. “You up for more of those milkshakes?” 

Baekhyun laughs and hits the gas. 

  
  


There is a text with a hotel name when he wakes up the next morning. 

  
  
  
  


**Track Five: Curtain Call**

  
  


Sehun is waiting in the lobby when Kyungsoo goes through the doors. He sees him right away. His face is in his phone, he has coffee with him. 

He looks the same way he does in his instagram pictures, but sadder without the fabrication that goes behind them. 

Kyungsoo wants to cry again, but he won’t. He just wants Sehun back quickly.

“Yah! Oh Sehun!” 

He yells and it echoes through the room. It scares Sehun and he jumps to his feet. 

It takes him just a couple seconds to find Kyungsoo with his eyes, and when he does, he runs to him. 

“I can’t believe you moved without saying goodbye!” Sehun is out of breath, mostly from the tears he is visibly holding back. Kyungsoo hugs him. 

“I can’t believe you thought I was jealous of your delinquent boyfriend!” They laugh together.

Sehun pulls back and leans in to hug him again. “My mom is here, you want free lunch?”

They have a lot to talk about, but they’ll be alright. 

  
  
  
  


“We go on in five, make sure you’re ready.” The stage manager tells them for the fifth time in a row. 

The auditorium is filled to the brim with parents eager to see where their money is going.

Kyungsoo’s family came, Sehun too. He can see them when he walks onstage to take his seat behind the piano. 

He can also see Baekhyun and his class lining up to take the stage after them. He sees Baekhyun try to catch his eyes, and blows him a kiss when they do. 

Everyone exchanges a look and waits for their leader to count them down. 

He likes the behind the scenes more, but being onstage still gives him a rush that is impossible to describe. He feels like he could dissolve any moment. 

The audience seems happy when they finish. They go into a lot of applause. He makes an effort to find his family again before he leaves the stage, and he looks eyes with his mom when he bows. 

  
  


These days, the bird chirping every morning by his window is a reminder he gets to live. 

**Author's Note:**

> the prompt i was so lucky to get was "kyungsoo has been actively avoiding this one class all throughout his semester because he despises it. with no way of avoiding it anymore, he walks into class just for his eyes to land on this very hot t/a and maybe he doesn't hate going to class that much anymore." this quickly became much more about friendship and self discovery. i hope i did op's wishes justice!
> 
> thank you so much for reading.


End file.
